Sat 30 Oct 2010
You Want Cheese With That Cheese?
Posted by anaglyph under Food & Drink, Strange Lands
[15] Comments
OK. So I’m in the middle of the country in northern California and hungry. I venture out to a local pizza place (local being an approximate term – it’s about a fifteen minute drive). I order a small pizza and a starter of garlic bread.
‘Do you want the ‘Special’ garlic bread with cheese?’
I decline and just go for the standard. It arrives in a few minutes. It is covered in melted cheese. I beckon the waiter over.
‘Excuse me, I ordered the garlic bread without cheese,’ I say, indicating the basket of cheesy comestibles.
‘Oh, that’s the way it comes’, he says. ‘That’s just parmesan. The ‘With Cheese’ option is with melted mozarella.’
‘Right,’ says I.
oh of course. Parmesan is not cheese cheese. It’s just pretend stuff that comes powderised in a sachet.
I am obliged to wonder what else isn’t what it is. Was the garlic actually garlic? Was the bread even bread? Is anything what it seems?
Who’da thought such existential crisis could come from an order of garlic bread?
Is Hamburger Helper even Hamburger Helper?
You must have looked like you were suffering from cheese deficiency when you placed your order.
Evidently. Then again, as I’ve pointed out before, Americans expect melted cheese on just about everything apparently.
Yeah. And … ?
As long as there’s beer to wash it down, I ain’t complainin’
I lika the cheese! It’s a VERY NICE!!!
Borat, cheese is the work of SATAN.
Yeah, check out this monstrosity from Friendly’s:
http://frankandjan.com/WIT/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/friendlys-Grilled-Cheese-BurgerMelt.jpg
Actually, that doesn’t look too bad. But I bet the real thing is nothing like it.
Do American fast-food makers wake up in the morning, and ask themselves, “Gee, I wonder what I can put cheese on today?” And if they can’t put any more cheese on top of it, they’ll put cheese inside it. i woul dhate to be lactose intolerant.
Here’s my entry in the cheese-with-a-side-of-heart-attack Olympics:
http://www.tulsaworld.com/articleimages/2010/Thumbs/20101014_1014whanksb_package.jpg
Too bad I can’t have either the cheese or the beef, nor a beer to wash it all down.
Cheesy!