Fri 24 Oct 2014
Whatthefucktorium
Posted by anaglyph under Australiana, Daft Advertising, Punctuation, Stupidity, Words
[11] Comments
This season, from the people who brought you ‘The Early Bird Get’s the Right Size‘ (catapostrophe intended) we are treated to an exciting new adventure in language mangling with their wholesale invention of the word ‘giftorium’. So confused and befuddled by this word was I, that I had to look it up just to make sure there was no obscure Latin usage with which I was not familiar. This is typical of about the first hundred Google hits: ((There’s nothing quite like seeing all these search results in one long stream to help you understand how marketing press releases get used in the wild…))
Oh my fucking absinthe-addled maiden aunt. This should be a crime against humanity. Think of the poor children.
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[…] of year once more, dear Cowpokes, where we find ourselves wandering aimlessly through our local Giftorium looking for that exactly appropriate gifts for those special people in our lives. My meanderings […]
But it has Gifting Experts.
.
I’m a gifting expert.
“Well, hello Mr Myer. Here’s the gift of a Christmas punch in the face”
looking forward to Christmas trees going down, and then putting up the easter eggs
That should happen next week by my reckoning.
Giftorium.
.GIFtorium
Yeah totally not what I was thinking….
But yeah, that’s strange.
Hypothetical scenario…?
Me: What makes a good gift?
Gift Expert: Whatever the person likes, I suppose?
Maybe I’m short on brain cells tonight, but is there any other way this conversation can go?
Ultimately the gift expert cares nothing about anything other than making you walk away with merchandise. I’m inclined to go in there and say ‘I’m looking for a little something for my brother-in-law. He’s really into taxidermy’…
Hmmm…
If you really wanted to mess with them, you could do a lot worse.
Tell them it’s your father’s birthday and ask if 70 (or whatever age seems appropriate) is the right age to gift a colostomy bag…
Also, you could walk up and ask dead serious why they need gift experts when Santa delivers all the toys. Then proceed to tell them some grossly inappropriate thing is what you received last christmas…
I think that might be a TCA Xmas Project…
Now I wish I lived down under…