Fri 3 Oct 2008
Take a Tablet For God’s Sake!
Posted by anaglyph under Blogging, Idiots, Religion
[15] Comments
Atlas draws my attention to a story at Times Online about a group called the Evangelical Alliance (representing ‘thousands of churches of most denominations worldwide’) who have handed down what they call The Ten Commandments of Blogging. It seems that church leaders have suddenly become aware of the actual landscape of the internet and are worried that God Bloggers might be falling prey to Satan’s wiles. This is entirely in keeping with my hypothesis that the thing that scares religions the most is that their followers might one day get access to actual facts and start questioning the fundamentalist status quo.
The Commandments that the EA has decreed* include such pithy paranoid edicts as: You shall not put your blog before your integrity (whatever the crap that means), You shall not use the web to commit or permit adultery in your mind (OK, there goes 90% of the Blogosphere) and You shall not steal another person’s content (there goes the remaining 10%).
Also of note is the weighty You shall not covet your neighbour’s blog ranking. Be content with your own content. Wha? Does anyone really care about their ‘blog ranking’ so much that it needs a commandment?
I haven’t spent much time on blogs dedicated to Christian Evangelism (I mean, who could really be bothered?) but it seems to me that if the Christian corner of the blogosphere is in such dire need of guidance that the Powers That Be feel compelled to issue ‘commandments’, then it must truly be a seething Sodom & Gomorrah of iniquity and maybe I’m missing out on something.
I get the distinct feeling, though, that it’s all a ridiculous beat-up in the vein of the Vatican’s idiotic Ten Commandments of Motoring and with all that in mind, you can see that I have no choice but to post The Tetherd Cow Ahead Ten Commandments of Blogging:
1-10: Thou Shalt Not Create Blogging Commandments†. It’s pointless and stupid and will send you straight to Hell.
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*One has to wonder how they got the dispensation to do this. After all, the original Ten Commandments were personally handed to Moses by God.
†And yes, I am completely aware of the recursive nature of my actions.
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The Commandments of Blogging make clear
All the rules by which you must adhere
So you won’t burn in Hell
Like so many that dwell
In the sinful and doomed blogosphere.
Atlas: It is gratifying for me to see how perfect in form your limericks have become. For that alone my time in the blogosphere is well spent.
Everyone: Save your poetry for now. There’s something special coming along…
I still wish you’d publish some commandments. they don’t have to be about blogging…..
Once again their faith is ‘evolving’ (though never into anything resembling sense of course).
Does seem a tad Darwinian, though I’d like to see the weak (minded) die out, surely they can’t survive much longer, but if the doco I saw tonight is anything to go by we’re in trouble.
9 months after the Pope paid Ireland a visit back in 79 there was a record 74,064 births. All those young christians getting it on (what a hideous thought).
I’m sure 9 months on from the Catholic Youth Day we had forced upon is here we’ll see a similar example of celibacy before holy matrimony. They really do set high standards for the rest of us don’t they…
The King
Your headline is terrific: “Take a Tablet for God’s Sake!”
The Godbloggers of whom you wrote obviously used the original ten commandments as their model. Did you know a top academic in Jerusalem says Moses was probably high on hallucinogenic drug (from acacia tree bark) when he received the ten commandments? How about this as a headline: “Moses High on Mount Sinai.”
I wrote a post on this topic too at:
http://www.ethicsoup.com
Sharon McEachern
“Something special”?
My knickers are now in a knot.
Though shalt not listen to the God of the Internet!
Something special???
I’m with Cissy. Now Now Now!!!
Sorry, of course it’s all special on The Cow.
Blogger is the Lord of All.
Thou shall have no other blogs before Blogger.
Thou shall not make for yourself an alternative blog.
Thou shall not make fun of the name of Blogger.
Remember to blog today and keep it wordy.
Honor Evan Williams and Meg Hourihan.
Thou shall not mis-spill.
Thou shall commit adultery in your mind on Ctherine Zeta Jones blog.
Thou shall not steal from other Bloggers unless you can get away with it.
Thou shall not blog outrageous lies about public figures, except on days ending with the letter “y”.
Thou shall not covet cool pictures on your neighbor’s blog, unless you can steal them without getting caught.
I reveal myself before my Blog
Don’t mean to hijack here Rev, this article caught my attention when I followed your original link.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article4874347.ece
“Criminal Mastermind” purrlease…
The King
Nurse Myra: Maybe you missed my TenComm v.20 post way back, or my suggestions to the Vatican for improving their Ten Commandments of Motoring…
King Willy: It’s a worry!
Sharon: Thanks for dropping by the Cow. Personally I think a lot of those Bible types were high on various substances. Have you ever tried to read Ezekiel?
Cissy Strutt: Stay tuned…
Malach: There’s a God?
Pil: I’m glad you amended your comment. Yes, all Cow posts are special, but some are more special than others.
Colonel: You didn’t read the Cow Ten Commandments, now, did you?
King Willy: There are no real criminal masterminds anymore, so the papers have to make do with colourful thugs.
There are no real criminal masterminds anymore, so the papers have to make do with colourful thugs.
Not true. I’ve heard of this guy in Nebraska…
Go check out the Oct 4th and 5th post on my site. I think you may enjoy.
Malicious – our dog Daisy already lives in heaven: Staff (24hr), food (24hr), scratches (24hr) etc etc
Great posts, LOVE those signs.
And I love Greyhounds too – very special dogs.
Ahhh
The King