It appears that, no matter how many times perpetual motion (or ‘free’ energy) machines are wheeled out, exposed and taken back in shame to the sheds where they were nailed together, there will always be another one waiting in the wings. And usually, another one that claims to use exactly the same discredited working principles of every one that’s come before it – invariably involving magnets. Here on The Cow, we’ve waited several years for those Irish spruikers over at Steorn to show us their wonderful machine, which, in the grand vision of their marketing manager, will mean that you need never put your phone on charge again. ((There’s nothing quite like thinking big.))
We’re still waiting.
In the meantime, this morning I bring you a website that offers to sell you plans to build your own free energy machine which its purveyors say will provide you with limitless free energy! It wasn’t easy for them but they…
…finally succeeded in creating a website which offers the Do-It-Yourself instructions for building such a device
God, tell me about it. Creating a website is such a fucking bitch!
Anyway, the site that they finally succeeded in creating is called Magniwork. The Magniwork logo, subtitled The Energy of Tomorrow in Your Home Today!, features, as the ‘i’ in Magniwork, an energy-efficient light globe.
Yeah, now see, the absolute irony of this is that if you have a machine that produces endless clean energy as the website claims, you don’t need to worry about energy-efficient appliances. It surely doesn’t matter. In fact, what your logo should really be offering is the kind of electrical abundance favoured by vendors of electricity at the fin de siecle ((The 19th C fin, that is.))
That’s better! The promise of SQUILLIONS of volts carelessly squandered.
OK. Tell me about how I can have my own free energy machine Magniwork! I’m eager to cast off the shackles of dirty coal and even dirtier uranium!
Using our easy-to-follow guide, you will be able create a Magnetic Power Generator which creates absolutely free energy, and doesn’t require any resource like wind or solar energy to function. The magniwork generator creates energy by itself and powers your home for free. The generator works fully off the grid. ((An ambiguously worded claim if ever I read one. Works fully off the grid? As in, it works fully powered by the grid? No? Oh, you meant it works independently of the grid! I see!)) Take a look at the following diagram to get an idea of how it works:
Whoa. That’s a little technical, so for the laypeople, let me just try and give you an easy-to-understand explanation of what’s going on.
First, the Power Source (1) feeds into the thingamabob (2). This in turn is fed to the gadget with numbers (3) and the battery (4). Of course this requires a whoosamacallit (5) to transfer back and forth between the doodah (6), the whatsit (7) and the gismo (9), with additional input from the red doohickey (8). COMPLETELY FREE ENERGY is thereby delivered to your house (10). So, did that give you an idea of how it works? Yes! That’s right, it is completely powered by FLIM-FLAM! Genius.
This method has been researched for a long time, but due to suppression of this idea from the big corporations, the plans for building a free energy generator which could change the world have never been out on the open.
Ah. The ‘big corporations’. Yes, I can see how the ‘big corporation’s would be quaking in their boots after seeing ‘the method’ laid so daringly bare in that diagram. ((The ‘big corporations are hiding it from us’ plea is a sure marker of pseudoscientific thinking. People: big corporations can be greedy and self-serving, sure. Evil, even. But one thing they are not is stupid. Any ‘big corporation’ in the world would give their metaphorical first child for this kind of technology if it worked. Think about it, Mr Free Energy Machine Inventor: a ‘big corporation’ could take your machine, make vast powerplants with it, and sell the power to consumers at ridiculously under-cutting prices, thereby doing the one thing that all ‘big corporations’ love to do most – put all the other ‘big corporations’ out of business. The assertion that they would take this idea and suppress it is nonsense of the highest order.))
The Magniwork website offers, as an endorsement of its wares, a Sky News video featuring Queensland free-energy proponents John Christie and Lou Brits, who are known in this arena for their Lutec 1000 generator, a device that has, in the manner of the Steorn ‘Orbo’, consistently failed for over a decade to live up to the hyperbole of its inventors (the failure for the Lutec 1000 to gain traction is, of course, due to the Machiavellian influence of the ‘big corporations’, rather than because of the small technicality that it doesn’t actually work).
Magniwork trots out the same misguided claims that we encounter with Messrs Christie and Brits and all ‘free’ energy technology advocates:
You can eliminate your power bill by 50% or even completely, depending on how you implement the magniwork generator.
Eliminate it by 50%? Um. I think the word ‘eliminate’ is kind of absolute. You can’t partially eliminate something. You’re probably searching for the word ‘reduce’, here. Even so, the 50% saving that Magniwork boasts involves accepting a fatal logical non-sequitur based on the concept of ‘overunity’ energy generation. As a special service to Tetherd Cow Ahead readers (and all people everywhere who like things explained in diagrams) I have created a page here that outlines, in simple terms, the logical flaw inherent in overunity. You don’t even need to understand physics to see how such a scheme must always fail.
The free energy devices have been suppressed by the corporate world because such devices, would allow people to create their own energy for free, which would ultimately shut down the big energy corporations, because people won’t need to pay anymore for electricity to fill their pockets.
It’s an intriguing image, people walking around with pockets full of electricity.
Our easy-to-follow guide will show you how to construct the Magniwork free energy generator, which will run infinitely and create free electric energy. This method has been thoroughly researched, and is currently considered as a possible mean of completely solving the energy crisis.
Only by idiots.
The magniwork free energy generator, can be efficiently used to power your home with almost zero costs on your side. Furthermore, the generator is eco-friendly and doesn’t produce any harmful byproducts.
Well, that’s probably true. Because it doesn’t produce ANYTHING.
We predict that the technology will rapidly spread, and some industry-insiders even predict that the magniwork free energy generators will be the energy in the future. These experts estimate, that by 2020 energy companies will start implementing this technology in order to create cheaper and more environment friendly energy.
OK, well I predict that in 2020 you’ll still be wheeling out the same old crap about your ‘invention’ being suppressed by the ‘big corporations’. Let’s see who’s the better predictor.
The Magniwork free energy generator is safe to use and operate. It doesn’t produce any harmful byproducts or gases, and there isn’t any hazard concerning the generator itself. Even if you have little children, they may freely walk in the close vicinity of the generator.
Although that might not be entirely safe, because they might point out that you’re violating the laws of thermodynamics and thus expose you as a nitwit.
Anyway, it goes on and on like this for a bit, with some testimonials that hold about as much credibility as a Shoo!TAG science experiment, before signing off with another convincing video about the evil plan by ‘the big companies’ to hide this amazing technology from us dumb suckers.
Hahahahaha! Dear Acowlytes! This is where the Magniwork site becomes very special and dear to my heart. The snippets of video featured in this ‘report’ are from a spoof documentary called ‘Conspiracy’ for which I wrote the music! In a fantastic metaphorical echo of the preposterousness of the overunity feedback loop, this ‘meta’ documentary, which was designed as an agglomeration of as many absurd free energy claims as we could stack together in one place (coupled with great Cold War-style black and white propaganda footage) has now come back to life as an endorsement of the the things it was sending up!
Just as overunity energy production pulls itself up with its own bootstraps, it seems that the free energy community is boosting its credentials with parodies of its own credentials! It is to laugh.
⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗∴—∴⊗
Well, that turned out rather more long-winded than I expected. What happened, you see, is that I connected a Magniwork generator to my computer, and before I knew it, I was producing unlimited free energy fuelled postings. In much the same way as the unbelievable claims of the free energy movement, they just go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ….
Acowlytes! I stand before you a stunned and humbled man. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but on visiting the Steorn website this morning I was presented with incontrovertible proof that their Orbo engine is about to revolutionize the world! Never before have I seen evidence of an extraordinary claim laid out so compellingly, or been swayed by a concept so utterly mind-blowing!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hands up who believed me for even a second?
Nope. No hands there.
The images above are from Steorn’s much hyped video ‘Proving Overunity’, today posted on their site for all to see. The audience in the bottom snap is watching in awe disbelief as Steorn CEO Sean McCarthy trots out exactly the same old guff that has already been up on the Steorn site for ages. This is the sum total of the PROOF that Steorn promised the world, that their machine would be shown creating more energy than it consumes.
Needless to say both myself and the folks above were comprehensively underwhelmed. We watched as Mr McCarthy, in finest waffling form, yakked on and on about the Orbo motor’s wondrous abilities as he poked periodically at gauges and meters. As in the other ‘explanatory’ videos on the Steorn site, he seems particularly hung up on making us aware that Orbo has no ‘back EMF’ – really, it does not matter one whit about such electrical engineering-speak if the machine is able to show a 200% increase in energy output as has been claimed. The tedious ‘technical’ talk is there to cover up the fact that what Steorn actually needs to demonstrate is mind-bogglingly simple. In fact, it is as simple as 1+1=2. I can outline it to you in a paragraph:
Imagine feeding the Orbo 1 watt of power. According to McCarthy, the miraculous technology behind Orbo can take that 1 watt and use it to generate 2 watts. Are you with me? Now, this is all that needs to be done to show a miracle: take the output of the Orbo and divert 1 watt of that power back into the Orbo’s input. Now the motor is powering itself and you have 1 spare watt ((Actually, if you believe Sean McCarthy, 1 watt is small potatoes – there is NO LIMIT to how much extra power you can get…)) of energy with which to do anything you damn well please. Let us, for example, hook up some LEDs to this extra power (a single LED typically uses way less than what we have at our disposal). What we now have is the Orbo motor, running itself and powering some lights with no other external source of power! THIS would be a truly astonishing and unequivocal verification of Steorn’s claims. No-one could argue with such a direct experiment. In his circumlocutious descriptions of the Orbo technology McCarthy himself has said that such a feat is feasible. ((“We’re recharging batteries and you will see… we’ll be lighting lights and all that kinda stuff later on…))
That’s all that has to be demonstrated. But really, they can’t show anything like that because it can’t be done. Instead, in the manner of every perpetual motion swindler throughout history, Mr McCarthy ((Actually, Maybe Sean McCarthy is a personified demonstration of overunity – he certainly seems to run perpetually on excess amounts of his own self-generated hot air.)) is obliged to obfuscate and complicate with abstruse methodology and meandering reasoning. ((You will have seen this behaviour in just about every snake-oil salesman we’ve had cause to examine here on The Cow. The ShooTAG! scammers do the very same thing))
So after all that, let’s see how Steorn is doing on the Tetherd Cow Ahead Interest-O-Meter…
Enough said. We won’t be mentioning Steorn again here on Tetherd Cow unless they do something a lot less monotonous.
Visiting Steorn is like stepping momentarily into another dimension – one with leprechauns and rainbows and pots of gold. As you will recall from yesterday, today was the day when their video showing final proof of their Orbo motor demonstrating overunity was to be posted for all the world to see.
Well, I wearily dragged myself over to their digs for what I expected to be another round of disappointment and I wasn’t disappointed. That is, I was not disappointed to see that they were happy to disappoint me again. Instead of the world-shattering demonstration that was promised, I was greeted with a new-look website, further exhortations to join up with the Steorn Knowledge Development Base (for a fee, surprise surprise), and the above announcement:
(The) Proving Overunity video will be published on Ist Feb.
It strikes me that we’re getting pretty close to April Fool’s Day.
Well, I don’t know about you guys in the North, but down here in Oz it was way too late to watch the Steorn cavalcade at the scheduled broadcast time, so I missed the actual moment that marked the re-writing of History As We Know It. Damn.
But as soon as I woke up, I tuned into The Guardian this morning to read about the massive shock and disbelief of scientists around the world as they came to the cruel realisation at just how wrong they’d been to dismiss Steorn as a bunch of conniving swindlers. Alas – not so much as a whisper about Steorn’s miraculaous achievement. There were just more boring stories about the iPad. So I jumped across to the Steorn website for the lowdown, and to watch the video of the ground-breaking demonstration to find that… they’re going to post it tomorrow.
Oh heck. I guess that the universe has waited this long for its physical laws to be broken that one more day won’t hurt. While I was at Steorn, I watched some other videos that they have, including a six part demonstration of absolutely fuck all. Mr Slippery himself, Steorn CEO Sean McCarthy, was there with plenty of claims about how great their Orbo motor was, and the wonders it could accomplish:
“The electromagnetic components themselves return more energy and/or heat than is put into them!”
“It can achieve from 150 to 200% efficiency!”
“The faster you go, the more powerful the device is. In theory there is no limit to the energy it can produce.”
And as I watched the long-winded and banal technical demonstration (that was so full of misdirection and waffle that even my untrained engineering mind could spot it) I kept wondering “If the thing does what it says, why don’t they just show it powering a toaster or something?”
Indeed, in the Q&A afterwards a sensible gentleman asked just that. Here is the exchange verbatim (my thoughts highlighted), complete with Sean McCarthy’s squirming ((Some of his oleaginous tone does come through in the text, but to get the full effect you will, unfortunately, have to watch the clip)):
Bearded Gentleman: “So you say the reason that you don’t have a prototype that demonstrates load is that it’s cost prohibitive?”
Sean McCarthy:”No, I didn’t say that.” [Uh oh. Someone with some brains snuck into the demo. How did that happen?]
BG: “Well… why don’t you have one?”
SM (looking as if the guy has just spoken to him in Esperanto): “Sorry?” [Seems like a reasonable question to me you pillock]
BG: “Why don’t you have one then?”
SM: “Oh, wh… um.. wha? You mean showing load? We’re recharging batteries and you will see… we’ll be lighting lights and all that kinda stuff later on… [That’s ALL we want to see, dropkick.] but… you’re misunderstanding what we’re about. [You know, I think the Bearded Guy has a very good idea of what you’re about…] As a busi… we’re not, we’re not going to be next week selling generators down here just to charge your iPhone” [Who asked if you were?]
BG: “I think the problem though is that this isn’t really very convincing”
SM: “To whom?” [Oh, let’s see… to ANYONE you brainless halfwit!]
BG: “To the general public”
SM: “Um… we’re not… we’re interested in the development community. [OK, well show it to THEM then you simpleton]”
BG: “OK, but you’re broadcasting it on the internet”
“Absolutely (smug laugh)… we’re look… as I said… you understand our business model is engaging with the b… we’re not selling anything to Joe Public. Y… I mean, there’s no box of tricks we’re going to sell [Wow, they’re not even selling the box. Just the tricks.], we’re saying, we’re trying to sell this to the product development community and, if they understand the experiments, and they believe them [Yeah, now see, this is the crux of the problem Sean – NO-ONE BELIEVES THEM. Hence the reason we want to see your daft device actually doing what you claim it does!], um, that’s the next step for us to engage with the product development communities. [Waffles with syrup, anyone?]
(I’ll spare you anymore of the blow-by-blow – it’s exceptionally tedious – but if you think I’m exaggerating you can watch it to verify what comes next: Mr McCarthy goes on to say it’s cost prohibitive to build a demonstration Orbo motor, ((Um.. actually, what the FUCK, then, is the thing in the video clip that’s spinning around and around with all the measuring gadgets hooked up to it? My brain is exploding here Steorn! If you can’t build one, then the gadget you’re showing us is what, exactly? Why are we here again?)) comparing it to building just one hard disk drive ((I fail to see how the analogy is even remotely relevant – the reason people will put money into building millions of hard disk drives is because the science behind them works and is completely understood. If you’re claiming you can do miracles, then you have to produce a miracle, or at least very convincingly explain how your miracle works. Not just tell everybody how cool your miracle is.)) “… but even if I had a billion dollars, we still wouldn’t build one…”. Well, no, because even though you are a complete moron, you know it would be completely fucking stupid to waste a billion dollars on building something that doesn’t actually DO anything.)
So, examining the above exchange, we see Sean McCarthy first saying that the reason that Steorn can’t show us a working version of Orbo has nothing to do with it being cost prohibitive. Then he promises that ‘later’ they will be showing it ‘recharging batteries and lighting lights’. In the same sentence he negates himself and says that they won’t be making ‘a generator to charge things’, ((A small point here – the use of this example “We won’t be making a generator to charge your iPhone” – is a favourite trick of practitioners of woo: trivialize a critic’s good question by mocking them with a daft re-phrasing of it. The man simply asked why Steorn didn’t have a demonstration that would do what they claimed – ie, show overunity. This could be as simple as their Orbo motor, under its own power, lighting a simple LED. Since they say they have a working Orbo motor, which can deliver ‘up to 200% efficiency’, then this should be absolutely and utterly straightforward.)) and then, a few sentences later explains this as being ‘because it’s cost prohibitive’. Go back and plug Mr Bearded Guy’s original question in here, and see how long you can go around this loop before you fall off. ((Fractionally longer than the Orbo will remain in rotation without a power supply, is my guess))
Sean McCarthy has not been merely kissing the Blarney Stone, he’s been chewing off dirty big chunks. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s video.
Acowlytes! The world is about to change forever! Goodbye Global Warming! Goodbye cumbersome coal mining, solar panels, wind farms and hydro schemes! Yes, my friends, tomorrow (Saturday January 30, 2010) our old friends at Steorn are going to demonstrate once and for all, conclusive and unequivocal PROOF that their overunity ((Overunity means that it puts out more energy than you put in)) energy system actually works!
I hope you will tune in with me at 14:00 GMT to the Steorn website for a jolly old belly laugh this world-shattering event!
(It’s like some kind of Saturday matinee thriller – how will they get out of their dastardly fix this time???)
*Sort of. Like, if I close my eyes and squint. And the light’s just right. And I have my lucky rabbit’s foot. And the moon is in Aquarius and my chakras are aligned…
Ah yes, dear Acowlytes, it is true. Our old friends Steorn have emerged once more from their mossy grotto in the depths of leprechaun country with more tales of a wonderful pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow. Quite incredibly, the Irish swindlers (who I expected to have vanished long ago into the annals of failed perpetual motion ventures) are again attempting to get people with money to part with it on the strength of their brainless ‘Orbo’ – a gadget that, to speak technically for a moment, retrieves fairy dust from the Caverns of Tinkerbellius and turns it into electricity.
This time, they have struck on a novel new approach to their answering their critics (no, it’s not scientific evidence – don’t get excited). They have released a video on YouTube that is designed to ridicule all those who have in the past ridiculed them! Brilliant! Instead of merely demonstrating that their machine actually does what they claim (which would have been the definitive answer to pretty much any criticism) they have spent money on an expensive version of ‘Nyah nyah nyah – does SO work!’ ((I am somewhat miffed that Steorn had a go at Engadget and Wired for dissing them, but left out some of my excellent sarcasm…))
‘But surely Reverend,’ I here you exclaim in disbelief, ‘Steorn can’t just keep stringing people along ad infinitum on the whiff of a promise of their magical device delivering the goods?!’
‘Hahahahaha, my keen young Acowlyte,’ I say, patting you on the head, ‘One would think not in this world chock full of rationalism and commonsense! But if you go to this page on the Steorn site, you will see that for a small scattering of coins into their coffers, Steorn will offer to let you in on their magical secret by way of their Steorn Knowledge Development Base, or SKBD!’
Yes, that’s right. Once more, instead of just showing everyone that they have some real science, they are going to eke out (in tiny pay-as-you-go increments over a long period of time, no doubt) tantalising tidbits about how Orbo is really cool, and stuff, and y’know, awesome and gee-whiz and OMG – this is mind-blowing! and wow, can you believe it? and this is going to change the way we think about energy and on and on and on and on and on and on…
Wind some religion into all this and before you know it Steorn will be an Irish version of Scientology.
