Tue 17 Mar 2009
Strange Fruit
Posted by anaglyph under Food Science, Spam Observations
[17] Comments
Today I was gratified to receive in the email a generous incitement from ‘Martha’ to SUPERSIZE my TOMATOES!! In order to persuade me that this was a great idea, Martha was offering me ‘3 GIANT Tomato Trees’ for ONLY $10.00! And, if I ORDERED TODAY, Martha was also willing to send me ‘3 big early hybrid tomatoes as our gift!’
Yes, I was a bit confused too – am I paying for three tomato trees, or getting 3 tomato trees as a gift? Or am I paying for tomato plants and getting 3 tomatoes as the gift? Who ships tomatoes? What is a giant tomato tree anyway? Is it like a giant beanstalk? Do tomatoes grow on trees? All these things were swirling around in my head as I gazed at the big picture of…
Wha?
Wheat? And is that…?
Opium poppies! Yes! Opium poppies! See for yourself:
Am I right, or am I right?! Opium poppies and wheat! Or perhaps it’s rye, wildly incubating ergot fungus? Hang on, where are these people anyway? I’m going to write to them…
Datura street? Datura street? C’mon! That’s made up…
Nope. There it is. In Florida (thank you, Oh Wondrous Google Street View!)
So. People selling ‘giant tomato plants’ and opium poppies with LSD, from Datura St, in Florida. I’m almost inclined to send off the $10 to see what I get back…
17 Responses to “ Strange Fruit ”
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[…] that you are plain lying – you got my email address in exactly the same way as You Need a Psychic!, Supersized Tomato Plants! and Fat OFF Now! got it: by buying a list of email addresses from some filthy rotten scam […]
I’d like to go in on this deal with you but I’ve got too much work to do and I’m still trying to ketchup.
I’ll just put some laudanum in my next glass of V8…
Perhaps you can prepare a tincture for our arrival at Chez Rev.
See you soon
The King
The Feds have really gone overboard this time.
Not only are they trying to catch illegal tomato importers in this clever sting, they are also aiming for opium labs, datura dealers and witches!
Remarkable investigative work. Well done.
My cheque’s already in the mail.
Giant tomatoes, opium, beanstocks, big early hybrids, triffids, star bellied sneetches…I figure whatever I get in return is going to be well worth the small investment.
In Anaglyph’s Fields the poppies blow
Between tomatoes, row on row,
That mark our crop; and in the sky
The magpies keep on getting high,
Scarce heard by harvesters below.
We are the Stoned. Short days ago
We lived, sent texts, blogged in a glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Anaglyph’s Fields.
what the..wha..hold on… nooo…. For a giddy moment I thought Malach had actually read the whole post.
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Pil, what an imagination you have. Malach… reading… HAHAHAHA!!! right!
I wonder of they’re related to the Flavr Savr tomato which bombed back in 1994…..
I would not even waste my time on that product as it appears the ad suggests the hybrid tomatoes could be a cross between rye, poppies and tomatoes.
Besides you can use the topsy turvy tomato plants: http://www.asseenontvnetwork.com/Product-Topsy-Turvy-Upside-Down-Hanging-Tomato-Planter.html. Surely it is more convienent to find a f’n location to hang a massive hanging plant that bear fruit that will likely fall off and rot on the ground or your porch. Also, the designer bag they come in are just gorgeous. (yuck.)
There is also the Heirloom Tomato:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heirloom_tomato
50 to 100 year old seeds? That may be where the ergot poisoning comes into play.
And just be careful, this is supposedly what a tree tomato is: http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/tree_tomato.htm
I think it is obvious that more research is needed here. And based on the location of that address, do you really want to buy any produce grown in what appears to be the city? Especially in Florda! I think that gives hot house tomatoes a whole new twist.
I think I am just going to go open a can of stewed tomatoes and bypass all the fun. :)
Let us know if you order!!!
:( I Left a message earlier today, it gone. Somebody ate it.
M.I.: Generally speaking, comments with 3 or more embedded URLs are flagged as spam in WordPress by default.
Atlas: Enough sauce from you!
King Willy: V-OPI-8, perhaps. Could be a hit equal in appeal to Ram & Mnorgo.
Pil: Aha! A sting. I hadn’t thought of that. But now that I re-read the email, you could be right.
Ram: Well, you’re in a win-win situation. If you get something good back you can keep it, otherwise, it won’t go astray on the shelves at Food Here!
Malach: I didn’t know that you could refine a sentence from letters.
Lt Col John McStrange: Very nice. You have a grand career in spam poetry ahead of you.
Pil: Lots of pictures. Malach just looks at the pictures and makes something up. Random processes ensure that one in every thousand of his comments appear to make sense. If the post is made entirely of words, you will notice he can never say anything coherent.
Nurse Myra: Ah yes, the Flavr Savr tomato – a fruit that was before its time (ie, before they invented SMS)
MI: Actually, I’m betting that if I sent off my $10, I’d get sweet FA in return, and the picture in the email is just a clue for what ‘Martha’ is going to spend the money on.
Your first comment was trashed as spam. Sorry about that – Akismet, my spam filter, has been acting weird of late. You have been whitelisted now, so this should never happen again.
Atlas: I have Akismet set to ‘flag’ three links or more for moderation, rather than just flush it, but for some reason it didn’t.
All: If you post, and your comment does not appear, please let me know (especially those of you with Yahoo or gmail addresses) – Akismet is pretty good, but it does sometimes wig out.
***On an amusing note: Akismet just flagged ME as spam when I posted these replies. So something v. weird going on. I’m sure they’ll fix it promptly.
Actually your eyes look at bit like glowing tomatoes don’t they Rev?
Strange fruit indeed
The King
All the better to match my glowing red ears.
I hope nothing else is glowing. That could give Violet Towne a fright in the night
man! i love your blog! it’s hilarious. lovin it!