Mon 29 Oct 2007
Straiten Up and Fly Rite
Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
[9] Comments
Spam Observations #44
My newest best buddy, Burgi Nitzmann, wrote to me this morning. I reproduce his letter here in full, because, well, it’s just so damn… entertaining.
Hi, how’s your work doing? The answer is quite clear. You’re sleepy, man, I can tell! But take a deep breath, lot’s of people have the similar problems. Do you know that it’s an epidemy already, the third of male mankind is in trouble. Ask yourself why? What would you expect with a life tempo like that? YOU ARE TO EARN THE MONEY. It’s all your headache. I’d be tired too.
Add here, ecology, groceries. What’s the total? No sexual capacity. You’re now experiencing your sexual engine failure. No wonder your better half is gone, your girlfriend is on her way to pack up her stuff and hop off.
But guess what? I’m ready to give you a helpful hand. Be your self medicator, feel different, feel you CRAVE and YOU ARE ABLE . And WE’LL BOLSTER. And I’ll bet it works.
I’m sure you know full well about VI@grA. You think that it’s costly. Then I’ve got SOME good news for you! Check out the prices, the prices are agreeably nice!
$1.53!!
Conveniently chip ha?! It’s real, there’s just no need to overpay for the license which drugs stores simply do have to pay for the right to sell it out.
Be strait up, buy strait ahead. And have a nice one!
If Burgi ever decides to forego his contribution to the epidemy of chip internet scamming, he’s definitely got a career in standup at least. Add here, ecology, groceries, his offer of a helpful hand and his penchant FOR illogical capitalization and bad spelling, and he could quite probably get a job in government with very little extra effort. He’d be right at home with a bunch of illiterate wankers.
Carpe diem Acowlytes! Let’s Bolster!
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PS – I bring to your attention that the counter on the right that is marking out my Internet Fortune will shortly go past 100 billion dollars. w00t!
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I can tell, you want to do Burgi
Burgi?! That can’t be a real name. It sounds like a kind of poisonous mushroom.
goddam it! you and RaJ get the most fantastic spam.
maybe those spammers know more about you and your ecological grocery habits than you’re letting on
A better half and a girlfriend who hops off? No wonder you are tired.
granted, i do not have a penis, but if i did, $1.53 would be a small price to pay for a raging boner that i could hang a wet towel on.
Malach: Malach, with the ecology and the groceries, and my girlfriend hopping off, I’m just too tired to even think of doing Burgi.
Phoebe Fay: God made spammers from the leftover bits of poisonous mushrooms.
nursemyra: Yeah, but he also seems to think I’m some kind of chipskate, and we know that’s not true.
Cissy Strutt: I know…
TMock: Hmmm. You do know that there are better uses for a raging boner than as a towel rack?
Engine failure.
Hmm.
My sexy Honda is experiencing engine failure. Will this help?
Jam: I dunno… might help to stiffen up the piston rods I guess.
i am aware of the many uses of a raging boner besides towel rack. ohhhhhhhh am i!