Mon 5 Jul 2010
One Liner
Posted by anaglyph under Laughs, Words
[33] Comments
Even though I’m very fond of the ‘yarn’ type joke, I think my favourite kind of prepared humour is the one-liner. There is consummate comedy skill in creating a joke that is as funny as possible in the fewest number of words. Many of the best one-liners are crafted in the ubiquitous someone-walks-into-a-bar format, and I’m sure you know a few. My favourite of these is:
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entrendre and the bartender gives her one.
The briefest one I know is:
A baby seal walks into a club…
One-liners are not limited to the ‘bar’ joke though. Another one of my favourites you’ve all heard (and I like to think you laughed at it, even if Yuliya didn’t):
A man walks up to a Buddhist hot dog seller and says ‘Make me one with everything’.
So, faithful Acowlytes – your favourite? Remember – one line (my purist aesthetic decrees this should be one sentence, although I know there are those who disagree with this strict ruling).
I kinda smile when I remember Bond saying to Scaramanga:
“There’s a useful four letter word and you’re full of it.”
Not sure that’s really in the right category though is it? Perhapss this is more like it…
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
The King
Meh. The Scaramanga line would have never gotten past Joss.
I thought you were doing it right Your Majesty
In China, the racially enlightened can’t tell White from Wong.
Jerry Lewis (I think) used to have the one liner:
In the Chinese telephone book there are so many Wings and Wongs that people always wing the wong number.
Well, I used to think it was hilarious when I was a kid…
Th diffrence btween a fat girl and a virgin is th diffrence btween tryin to diet and dyin to try it.
I used to be a tap dancer but I kept falling in the sink.
A man walks into a bar and goes “OUCH!”
Did you make that one up Malach?
I once considered a career as a fortune teller, but I couldn’t see any future in it.
Th curator had to be sedatd aftr losing his marbles.
“I speak from experience, and Id rathr not talk about it.”
-Joey Polanski
HAHAHA!
How dya like that?
I fergot my own dangd one-linr!
Here’s one for Joey:
“A chainsaw walks into a leg.”
At lunch today I shared a custard
And asked Polanski, “Pass the mustard!”
Said he, “Just get th shit yerself”
Said I, “I can’t, it’s on YOUR shelf.”
Few things, I guess, woud be finer,
Than a carefully craftd one-liner.
But more comedick
Is a dangd limerick.
I know! It’s got FIVE lines! Ya whiner!
There WAS a topic, you dumb shit
And U have FAILED to run with it.
Calld a friggin dumb shit, I
Responded with a start,
Wondring: “Is it bettr if
Th friggin shit is SMART?
Groucho Marx on stage in Las Vegas spotting his ex-wife Barbara with new hubby Frank Sinatra in the audience:
“Marx spots the Ex.”
Another of favourites comes from Groucho – ‘I knew a woman who wore a grass skirt because it tickled her fancy’.
When the lights failed at the contortionist club, it was so dark you couldn’t see your own arse in front of your face. – The Worst of Perth Live.
Hahahaha! Excellent. You probably couldn’t tell your arse from your elbow either.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
Hahaha. I like it.
When the Buddhist asked the hot dog seller for change, he replied “Change comes from within”.
Yuliya didn’t like that one either, apparently.
Humourless bitch
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.