Water's Fine!

I remember reading an interview with Madonna some years back in which she claimed that she had given up all the wacky belief systems she’d been into and now had taken up Kabbalah. ‘Cos, like, that’s not a wacky belief system, right?

So of course she wouldn’t endorse some loopy scheme involving pouring ‘blessed’ water into lakes polluted with nuclear waste to ‘cleanse’ them, right?

And she wouldn’t be lobbying the British Government to approve the scheme, right?

Yes, loyal Acowlytes, I can see that you’ve grasped the rhetorical nature of those questions. Madonna is indeed trying to persuade government officials that enchanted magic water will eliminate the problem of radioactive contamination.

Here’s a quote from Madonna in which she casually attempts to hint that, in spite of what we all thinks she spends her days doing, she’s actually been hangin’ out with the geek crowd:

“I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste,” she said. “That’s something I’ve been involved with for a while with a group of scientists – finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not.”

Yep, Madonna has been beavering away behind the scenes in the lab with her egg-head homies solving all the world’s problems while you have been doing what? Just pirating her mp3s and dropping E, I’ll wager.

It occurs to me that there is a scientific equation that can be solved here. Madonna is rich and, with very little acumen about just how it might be done, wants to save the world. On the other side of the plus sign, the Steorn crackpots are looking for gullible air-heads with plenty of spare cash. If only someone would put them together – then they might amuse one another for years and eventually disappear up each other’s magnetic vortex.

You know, I really hate to admit it, but in light of all this I have really developed a new respect for Bill Gates.