Fri 28 Mar 2008
Mariah?
Posted by anaglyph under Competition!, Hmmm...
[34] Comments
I just renewed the insurance on my house in Sydney and I noticed this interesting phrasing in the questions I’m required to address for the insurer. Named cyclone? I guess I’m OK if I get hit by an unnamed one then… And what about the poor earthquakes & hailstorms. Surely they should get names?
Everyone singing…
Away out west they got a name
For wind and rain and fire
The rain is Tess, the fire is Joe…
I declare a competition! A prize for the best fire, hailstorm and earthquake names!
Surely your first fire name would have to be Cal. Just for etymology’s sake. Could be expanded to its full form for later fires for comparison – they would be measured in degrees Calvin. (I initially thought Pete, but peat fires are so environmentally irresponsible).
Do you think Ms Kitt would be honoured to have the grinding of tectonic plates named after her? I propose Eartha, what else would satisfy?
And the hailstorm? Too obvious by far – I name you Haley!
I’d join in on this little competition, but I’m shocked… you’re being an exclusionist! What about the poor mudslides? Avalanches? Microbursts? Don’t they deserve names???
not covered for unnamed Hurricanes then?
JR: Nice effort, except for the hailstorm, to which I say gr-o-o-o-a-n
MJD: Speak to my insurance company – they’re the exclusionists…
Malach: Or unnamed anything, it would appear…
Cyclones are hurricanes in the opposite direction, aren’t they? Depends which hemisphere you’re in?
*snickers at JR* Funny. Quite clever. Can I match that? Not without a lot of caffiene. I will go find some.
Thunderstorm –
Electra
Hurricane (tempestas in Latin) –
Aeriel *snickers*
Earthquake –
this undoubtedly deserves some sort of terra/terror pun here
Hurricane (when ‘raining cats and dogs’ so to speak) –
Petra
I think fire needs a simple name like Steve. So you can run outside screaming My House is on Steve. And then you can call the Steve Department to put it out.
Hailstorms need female southern USA redneck names, like Jolene or Jennie Mae. This is because hailstorms beat the hell out of pickup trucks, much like southern women when they find out their man’s been cheating on them.
Earthquakes need a fat name. Like Peggy or Martha or Bertha. Statistics that I just made up show you’re more likely to be obese if those are your names. And if you beat the odds, more power to you.
Hurricane name simple……..say with an Irish accent……
“Wendy”
S.
Earfquake = Ollie
Hailstorm = Howard
Fire = Fanny
Purple Dragon: I’d hate to quibble with the nomenclature of meteorologists. Isn’t it said they are subtle and quick to anger. Or was that wizards?
renalfailure: Laffing.
hewhohears: Oooo. That’ll get back…
Joey Who?: Your nom-de-weather for Fire might have a… er… moister connotation in these parts…
(*winkski*)
When will insurance start protecting us against far more likely threats? Where’s the insurance policy that protects against the threat of a family member coming for a two-day visit and then not leaving for weeks?
What about the threat of having the oven break down on the day you’re hosting a dinner party for 8?
Or the threat of a neighbor who constantly lets his dog do his doo-doo on your lawn?
These are the real threats to our domestic tranquility. (And their names are Ernest, Imelda and Perceval.)
Yes Phoebe Fay, how right you are.
Unfortunately, insurance companies are really not that keen on insuring against a sure thing. And all those occurrences you mentioned fall in that category…
Earthquakes: Mo’
Fires: Dantesse
Hail: Meteora (lame)
Fire: Shapyro
Hailstorm: Cuddles (The news headlines for Hailstorm Cuddles Devastates Texas would be awesome)
Earthquake: Oprah (Big, unwanted, capability of great damage…)
I cant compete, but I like Atlas Cerise’s names best.
Earthquake: Rocky
Fires: Red
Hailstorm: Gayle
whadda ya mean fcking “anonymouse??? that was me@!@@
Oh, like we are going to believe you.
Insurance Company: Is your house “currently threatened by fire”?
You: Hmm, just let me check …
Fire = Bernie
Quel horreur, Such atrocious punning. I guess I asked for it.
Winning so far:
renalfailure: for ‘Steve’ the fire.
Joey: for ‘Bernie’ the fire.
JR: for ‘Haley’ the hailstorm.
Atlas‘s ‘Oprah’ deserves an honourable mention, but I feel there is still some possibility left unexplored.
Earfquake = Andreas
Hailstorm = Crystal
I switched to first and last names. Meant to be feminine.
Earthquake: Pea Hunks
Fire: Timber Sun
Hailstorm: Lilac Feign
There’s a lasagna realm!
We got good news today- we live within a mile of the Connecticut River, and were afraid that Global Warmy was going to be a problem here. however, it turns out that Global Warmy, because of decreased rainfall here, is going to make the river go down, not up. So although many islanders and coast-folks may have a problem, we are now OK with Global Warmy. Also, I’m sick of snow…
Fire = George
Earfquake = George
Hurricane = George
I was inspird by George Foreman.
(See (Trivia“)
I think in honour of CH, fire should be called Half Naked Man in a Chariot.
“Sir, there’s a half naked man in a chariot sweeping down from the north-east.”
This would also work nicely for hurricanes.
Joey: Andreas would be constantly complaining ‘Everybody always thinks it’s my fault!’
Atlas: I think that would be about the most cryptic and unfathomable comment I’ve ever received. Excepting only those from the loon who thinks I’m Peter Popoff.
Colonel: Indeed. And you can look forward to decreased insurance premiums. Until Lilac Feign comes through unexpectedly and turns your conservatory to shards.
Pil: Charlton would surely play the part of the insurance investigator left as the only man alone at the end of the world, fighting off zombies and gazing on a sunken Statue of Liberty while intoning in anguish:
‘We finally really did it! You Maniacs! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
Oh, and firing off his guns, because, well, that’s everyone’s right.
(Rest In Peace you old bastard).
The Winners:
renalfailure: for ‘Steve’ the name of Fire. As of this day, you will all be installing Steve extinguishers in your houses and Stevewalls on your computers.
Joey: for ‘Andreas’, the generic name henceforth for an Earthquake.
Atlas Cerise: for ‘Lilac Feign’ the new name for a Hailstorm because it’s so damn bizarre and I’d just love to hear a newsreader say the words ‘Parts of Melbourne were severely affected by Lilac Feign this morning as she passed over the central districts wreaking havoc’.
There will be prizes, but since I only have a mailing address for one of you, and I know I’m not likely to get Joey’s I’m going to suggest that you all create your own prize and post it on your blog, boasting that you won it at my place. I can’t get cheaper than that.
There will be prizes…I’m going to suggest that you all create your own prize
Oh, you running for United States President, too, Mr. Wishy-washy?
I did admit to being cheap. Whaddya want?
There’s a lasagna realm! = All these are anagrams.
Pea Hunks = Shaken up.
Timber Sun = It burns me.
Lilac Feign = Falling ice.
Th Revrend was hopin ‘Lilac Feign’ was th name of a new scent.
Hang on. I gotta go lowr th Steve undr th pot o Pea Hunks.