Thu 6 Aug 2009
Let’s Download Some Brownware!
Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
[11] Comments
I dunno. The catchy slogan isn’t really selling it for me. Lose weight with your mate? It’s not like setting out on a hang-gliding adventure or forest walk together. “C’mon honey! The bathroom’s free! Now’s our chance to update the Captain’s log!”
At least we can be sure that they gave this concept to the right advertising person – someone who was totally full of shit.
(Spammers are sending me a most perplexing and inane variety of stuff lately – I’ve had them trying to sell me everything from sandals to magic wands (yes, that’s right – “magic” wands – not big penises). And psychics! I must get at least twenty advertisements for psychics per day. This tells me one thing for certain – they’re really not psychic. Otherwise they would have a very clear picture of what I would do with them – Hint: it involves large quantities of MaxColon)
This looks like a great deal, but I think I’ll stick with my lifetime supply of SNL’s ‘Colon Blow’. I have a nagging feeling that Max Colon might be related to Max Headroom, and there are just some places cyberspace shouldn’t be going…
Sounds like some kind of medical superhero: “Max Colon coming up next in an all-new adventure”.
Or a porn-star with a large, err following?
The King
Is a free* bottle the same as a “free” bottle?
The first one is always free…
“C’mon honey! The bathroom’s free! Now’s our chance to update the Captain’s log!â€
HA.
I literally lolled.
I’m holding out for the industrial strength knockoff brand: MaxCowlonâ„¢
Colonel: Colon Blow sounds like something out of Moby Dick. I’m not sure my toilet has that kind of reinforcement…
King Willy: Yes! And you know how super-identities have an alternate life as a cover? Max Colon’s alter-ego is an anal ghost living in the homely & unassuming rectal passage of a suburban florist! Work with me! I think we’re onto something.
Cissy Strutt & Colonel: I’m willing to take a punt that the asterisk means: (*contents not included)
Casey: [Note to self – incorporate more bodily function jokes in The Cow].
Atlas: MaxCowlonâ„¢ is so far only safe under laboratory supervision (let’s just say that every time we conduct an experiment, we get Americans in suits and dark glasses walking around with geiger counters).
PS – Don’t hold out too long – you might get poossessed. Then we’d have to call in an anorexorcist.
Ugh, I thought you loaded up 2 Girls and a Cup!
I heard that harvesting MaxCowlonâ„¢ is proving to be much more difficult than TCA Scientists originally believed.
Malach: I don’t think the 2 girls actually need help downloading their brownware (or maybe, come to think of it, they were beta testers…)
Atlas: Difficult, but thanks to the innovations at Cow Labs, a little of the secret ingredient goes a long way.
(By the way – no comment on the two best puns ever to grace The Cow? I’m wounded.)
Oh dear. Spare castle, anyone?