Fri 20 Apr 2007
Is That a Telegraph Pole in Your Pocket…?
Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
[13] Comments
Spam Observations #39
My newest pal, Roberto Schwartz, wrote to me today with this question:
Does Size Matter?
Which is evidently rhetorical, because he answers it immediately:
60% of WOMEN said thay were UNHAPPY with their lover”s P* size!
I’m assuming, from context and plenty of familiarity with these kinds of emails, that when Roberto coquettishly says P* Size he means Penis Size as opposed to, oh, Pupil Size or Pelvis Size.
Rather unsurprisingly, he offers a remedy for one afflicted with such an awful handicap:
Introducing the Newest, Safest. and Most Advanced
Solution in Pnis En1argment. Anywhere!
… and some hyperbole as well:
Millions of men are already applying male enhan(ement pat(hes daily and watching their size and drive go through the roof!
Through the roof! Oh my! It has to be acknowledged: that’s quite an impressive result. Uncomfortable, probably, and possibly quite embarrassing and offputting at lunch in the cafeteria, but yes, pretty impressive in a Hollywood CGI Monster kind of way.
Further to this, Roberto adds:
P.atches deliver the product into your system in a quicker
and more efficient manner than a pi11 ever could. They are also safer and more discrete!
Discrete? Well, I guess the patches themselves might be, but let’s face it, with millions of surging tumescent members destroying skylights across the country it’s hardly going to be much of a secret is it?
So…if you put on your patch and Mr. Happy actually gets “real happy”…wouldn’t you think people might notice? Seems it wouldn’t be that discrete…but that is just me :-)
This holds special context for me. I just got in from a pretty good mountain bike wreck, and I have to say, women go for the enlarged P* as in pupils as well. You might be prejudging the poor guy.
I think it’s really 60 percent of women are unhappy with their lover’s purse size.
With loose enough purse strings, even a guy with a micro member can make a lot of women very happy.
Dummy! What do you think skylights were invented for?
Does the same hold true for sunroofs?
Heres a recent testimonial:
“In jus 24 hours, my P was so b.ig I coud barely dliver th produ(t inta my lovrs *”
— Telephone Polanski
I bought some pills for my pole
They came with mys’tries untold
Joey wrote somethin
’bout cartoon humpin
Now I just can’t get loose from this hole
Sirdar: Yep, like I said.
Casey: Yes, I’m so totally sure that girls discuss guys’ pupil size over a drink…
Phoebe Fay: Oh now this I can believe you discuss over a drink…
Universal Head: That’s the last time I let you in my house.
jmf: That’s the last time I let you in my car.
Polanski: Cut it out. You’re not allowed to be funnier than me.
Casey:
I slapped this new pat(h on my p*
And phoned up my ravishing V*
She agreed she was satisfied
So the product is ratified
(Though there was quite some
distance betw*)
(*snickerin, but abashedly*)
“discrete” patches? won’t they interfere with his markov chain?
Only if his progress is metrically transitive.
::Struggling to refrain from more penis poetry::
Okay, I guess I can understand why Roberto wants his P* to be bigger, but I don’t understand why he wants to take pi to the 11th power. Unless that’s the formula for how much bigger his p.nis is going to get. Ouchh.