Fri 4 Feb 2011
Half & Half
Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
[25] Comments
My new friend Svetlana wrote to me today!
From: Sveta Cabrera [russianconartists@hotmail.com]
Subject: Hello my dear. I am interested in a reliable boyfriend. ( Mail ID zp1289027381geu )
Date: 6 November 2010 12:09:44 AM PDTGood morning! How do you do???
I`m happy, cheerful lady.
I really want to find my second half!
I`m tired of being one…
I have many interests, I like sea, sun, beach and travel.Write me, I be interesting to see ur pics.
Kiss, Svetlana
Svetlana, I think it would be MUCH more interesting to see your pics. I imagine they would look something like this:
A russianconartist named ‘Sveta Cabrera’ …
Well, so far she ain’t lying.
It looks like she’s lying on her ba- Er…
She’s half-assed.
… but there was too much legwork.
With legs like hers, dear Sveta’s sure
To break a dozen hearts.
Imagine if she had some other
Pretty lady parts!
She called you “reliable boyfriend”. Oh! such flattery
She’d get more reliability from a boyfriend who takes a battery.
(disclaimer: Along with loyalty & GSOH, reliability is one of the Rev’s abiding qualities. The writer played fast & loose with the truth for the sake of a tawdry rhyme. And is now sorry.)
Actually, because of the placement of that comma, she called him a “cheerful lady”.
Show us your tits, Rev. It ain’t like Svetlana can.
I want to know how she knew my Mail ID.
I think you mean Femail ID, cheerful lady.
Five dolla sucky sucky… me love you long time…
Everything is permissible in the quest for a tawdry rhyme.
What you spend on stockings for Sveta
You certainly save on a sweater.
And what is even better
She can’t ask you to wear a French letter.
Why she need the hat?
“I must protect these fine legs of mine,
from the sun, with a little calomine
All the boys who assist
Seem to always insist
On applying it where the sun don’t shine!”
AAHH Poetry! Nipsy Russell I love you!!
Was Nipsy related to Bertrand?
No. Nipsy Russel was a black comedian whose schtick was making up risque and such limericks on the spot. Saw him on the old Ed Sullivan Show.
I still bet he was related to Bertrand.
It is good she likes the sun, proves she isn’t undead
Isn’t it funny that she
Does NOT have a head we can see?
In some other cases
Of heads, necks, and faces,
There still ain’t a brain, seemingly.
In Cowland no matter how dense
Debate becomes, nor how intense
It is reassuring
One thing is enduring!
(Turnip supply near the fence)
HAHAHA!
It really ain’t hard to foresee
That Malach will post stupidly
A comment so dumb
Where DOES he come from?
Let’s look up his family tree.