Sun 3 Dec 2006
Get a Broom!
Posted by anaglyph under Rant, Stupidity, Technology
[17] Comments
My leafy, tree-lined street is a lovely quiet alcove in the busy inner-city suburb where I live. I remember that, once-upon-a-time, on sleepy mornings, after autumn had shaken a myriad golden leaves from the figs that shade the road, I would sometimes wake to happy tuneful whistling and the swish swish swish of a broom, as my local council cleanup crew swept the leaves up into tidy piles to be scooped into hessian bags for removal. Ah, how peaceful, how efficient, how pleasant on the ears.
That was of course before the introduction of the most heinous contraption ever inflicted on civilization: The Leaf Blower.*
Now Mr Cheerful Whistling Sweeper has been replaced by Mr Evil Scowling Fat Bastard†Noisemaker who tippy-toes down the street, carefully and silently navigating around any crackly dry leaves or brittle twigs that might give advance warning of his approach, to arrive outside my window at 6.59am. There he stands, savouring the oily fumes of his machine, counting to himself the seconds left to the end of the pillowy morning peace. Right on the stroke of 7 he fires his infernal machine into life…
Rrrrzrzrrzrzrrzrrrrzrrgggeeeeererrrzzrzrrzr
Is it possible to imagine a more despicable piece of useless crap than the leaf blower? It is noisy, it uses fossil fuel, makes pollution and it is available to the general public without even the minimal academic requirement of a coupon from a Cornflakes box. And it serves no useful purpose other than to be a substitute for something that is at least as effective, is cheaper, clean, makes an agreeable sound and has stood the test of thousands of years.
I believe that the essence of all evil in the world can be seen distilled in this one abominable invention. That’s what happens when you go against the natural laws of physics and create a device that simultaneously blows and sucks.
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*Although it’s a close contest with the loathsome Jet Ski.
†In my experience, the leaf blower is invariably wielded by someone who looks like they’d get a lot more benefit out of using a broom.
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On the plus side, the leaf blower’s studiously ignored user guide probably contains some fine SGM adventures.
It’s only a matter of time until someone invents a hybrid.
My neighbor likes to use his leafblower first thing in the morning. I hate him.
Get off ya skinny MP3 hating ass and rake up the leaves BEFORE the Blow-sucker arrives.Anyhoo,its Summer in Sydney,so why the leaves?
Jam: I read somewhere that that they don’t bother to make a user guide for leafblowers because 90% of purchasers can’t read it.
jmf: Hmm. Interesting concept. Use less fossil fuel for something that could be done using no fossil fuel. Let me just do the calculation… Nope. Still looks like brain cells missing to me.
Chickie: See if you can lure him close enough to your pool to arrange a tragic drowning accident…
Wool Phman: If it were up to me I’d just leaf well enough alone. Can’t see any actual problems with leaves being on the road myself. As for summer, well, the seasons can’t make up their minds here recently. You guys don’t have a monoply on Four Seasons in One Day anymore.
Evn werse: Doin a job wit a powr tool always seems t take twice as long as it woud t do it wit a hand tool.
Have you ever raked a big yard, though? I don’t know the size of yours over there in Australia, but my dad’s got good sized yard and a leaf blower makes it a lot easier and does save lots of time.
Joey: I’m with ya Joey, I’m with ya.
jmf: See my comment to Wool Phman. My dad is obsessive about cleaning up leaves too, but the way I see it, the leaves make a good groundcover and mulch for keeping in the moisture. Dad has some daft idea that the leaves make everything look ‘untidy’. Wha?
“It kills the grass.” -My dad
I’m in total agreement again Rev. I detest electric leaf blowers even more than the petrol ones! There’s a noise that’s hard to beat for piercingly annoying!
Jet skis? Ditto.
Although they don’t make noise, I’m also driven insane by the invention of “single use” cameras. Recyclable plastic, electonics and a battery just going into landfill. Millions of ’em. I’d rather see film die than be kept on life support by those things…
What’s the big deal with jet skis?
Hehhehe…
Don’t forget you’re dealin’ witha coupla old farts who don’t ride ’em jmf!
I’m sure they’re a lotta fun, but over here they’re almost always ridden by mindless yobbos at high speed and noise right through the middle of swimmers and surfers. Accidents trying to happen. Disturbers of the idyllic ocean peace. Nascar drivers of the sea…
Kinda like the stinkboat bias if you’re a sailing man, I guess. Oily, stinky, noisy damn things! ;)
(Hope you don’t mind me fielding that one Rev! – or calling you an old fart!)
Don’t get me started on jet skis.
Really.
I think your all missing the point here people….Its obvious the weilders of these orphan leaves are the problem. That’s right…….Trees!
They are the root (pardon the pun) of all evil
Down with the trees….using a chainsaw of course (at 7am)!
Hmmm, Tastes Like Chicken!. I didn’t realize that you were my next door neighbour…
Fall in Summer,Dr? That’s what ya get for buddying up to them Americans.
Thinking laterally,why doncha get ya DAD to fuss with your leaves,then you can sleep in and dream evil dreams about the demise of iPod wearing jet-skiers.
W.L F’man: Sigh. Just because your country has proper thinking politicians.
And on the other thing – I already dream those dreams. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane (DOWN at the back Jam. I’m aware that my sanity is debatable).