Wed 24 Jan 2007
Even More Disturbing Moments in Food Science
Posted by anaglyph under Food Science, Ooky, Technology
[8] Comments
I am totally indebted to TastesLikeChicken! for pointing out to me the wondrous inventions available at Global Trade Purveyor alibaba.com. There can be no doubt at all that this is where Angelo does his shopping.
Of particular interest are:
The Flattener Chicken Machine:
“Our machine has the capability to crush 24 chicken breasts per minute, and with the thickness of a ham slice. With this you’ll have an extra-flat chicken breast. It is really a money machine!!!“
Because, well, yeah, everyone knows that Flat Chicken Breasts = $$$$!!! And fast? Yessirree, this machine is a license to print chickens!!!
The Vegetarian Chicken Modeling Machine:
“Used to shape the soybean food production suck as vegerarian chicken. The vegetarian has long-tested and its performance enjoys very high reputation from our clients that this machine is easy to operate and run smoothly with low failure rate.”
First, take your Soybean Food Production Suck. Then shape a Vegerarian Chicken from it. Could anything be simpler? Or more gag-inducing?
“The vacuum soybean-suck system is composed of vacuum soybean-suck machine, vacuum barrel, storage barrel, bean-sucking tube and dia. 80 plastic tube 10m.”
Yep, nothing sucks like this machine. This is one mothersucking sucker. If you need your beans sucked, look no further!
Of course, the question still remains: why do people call me when the damn things break down?
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Chicken image courtesy stock.xchng
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i haven’t clicked, but i bet they’re japanese. crazy people.
poor chicken.
why would anyone want flat breast???
I gots no beef wit dis.
This is why I only buy fresh food and cook it from scratch… I just don’t have the stomache for the alternatives anymore!
Oye ve…
tp
Glad i could be of assistance Rev.
I too was not aware the world of food processing machinary was so interesting…….yet disturbing!
Angelo on the other hand, is a learned scholar in the area. He just cant fix them…..thats where you come into it.
Modeling chicks wit extra-flat breasts realy suck.
Flat chicken breast! Of course! And all this time I’d been trying to flatten goat butt. . . .
treespotter: Mexican and Chinese, actually. The Mexicans like their breasts flat and the Chinese like their beans sucked.
Jam: I am investigating Flat Beef also. It seems there is a trend for these things (see below).
tp: Nothing says you can’t get nice fresh food and flatten that too!
TLC: Doesn’t it warm the cockles of your heart to think that once upon a time in Mexico, not so long ago, someone uttered the words “Y’know, Jose, you’ve been out there all afternoon in the sun flattening those chickens, but I reckon I could make a machine to do that…”
Joey: Indubitably, but do they suck better than the Vacuum Suck Machine?
ExtraStorchy: And to think that the whole ‘flat food’ trend passed me by. Well, except for pancakes, I got that.
mexican like em flat??? really?
that’s too weird.