Thu 13 Sep 2007
Cowfucious Say:
Posted by anaglyph under Cow Matters, Silly, Words
[46] Comments
Many years ago, my good friend Bronni & I used to amuse ourselves by taking well known proverbs with animals in them and substituting a cow for said animal.
This was a source of constant mirth. So for today’s diversion, I give you:
•Like a cow up a drainpipe.
•Flat out like a cow drinking.*
•That’s put a bit of a cow in the ointment!†
•Wow, she really has a cow in her bonnet!
•That’s put the cow among the pigeons!
•More tricky than herding cows.
•Better a cow in the hand than two in the bush!
•He’s a real cow in the grass.
•As cunning as a cow.
•The early bird catches the cow.
•Like a cow on a hot tin roof.
•I’d like to be a cow on the wall for that conversation…
OK Acowlytes – over to you. The one that makes me laugh most gets a Cow Medallion!
UPDATE: It occurs to me that some of you may have missed the point of this particular activity. It’s all about the image that you form in your head when you do the transposition of animals. For instance: ‘a cow on a hot tin roof’ conjures an amusing vision of a cow clattering along on your corrugated iron verandah awning… Get it?
So:
‘Cow in a gilded cage’ = Funny
‘Let sleeping cows lie’ = Not Funny
See – it’s not just as easy as chucking the word ‘cow’ in any old proverb.
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*Hmm. Some of these might be a little obscure to non-Australians…
†Isn’t ‘ointment’ a great word? Why don’t we have ointments any more?
Thanks to Radioactive Jam for sparking old memories.
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A cow’s moo doesn’t echo. No one knows why.
If a cow dies in the woods does it make a sound?
A fool and his cow are soon parted.
A man is known by the cow he keeps.
A rolling cow gathers no moss.
Absence makes the cow grow fonder.
Actions speak louder than cows.
All the world loves a cow.
A cow a day keeps the doctor away.
Bad cows travel fast.
Barking cows seldom bite.
Curiosity killed the cow.
Dead cows tell no tales.
Do unto cows as you would like them to do unto you.
Don’t count your cows before they are hatched.
He that is the master of himself will soon be the master of cows.
Let sleeping cows lie.
Cow is a dish bester served cold.
Scratch my cow and I’ll scratch yours.
There is no honor among cows.
There is more than one way to skin a cow.
Those who live in glass houses should not throw cows.
No no no guys!
Forget anything that doesn’t replace AN ANIMAL (or fish or insect) with a cow. Otherwise it misses the point.
The cow’s knees.
Cow in a gilded cage.
Cows of a feather moo together.
Mad as a cut cow.
He’s gone completely cow.
Lie down with cows, get up with cows.
Hmmm. Or the even more enigmatic ‘Lie down with dogs, get up with cows…’
He’s got a couple of cows loose in the top paddock.
Every cow must have his day.
What’s sauce for the cow is sauce for the bull.
I was thinking of “Lie down with cows, get up with fleas” but yours is very disturbing. More so the more I ponder it. brrrrrr.
A cow may look at a king.
Straight from the Cow’s mouth
Cow got your tongue?
I’m so hungry I could eat a cow
A face like the south end of a north-bound cow
The Cow’s pyjamas
Not enough room to swing a cow
It’s the cow’s knees!
“Its raining cats and cows.”
(I know JediMac violatd th direcktive by substitutin ‘cow’ fer sompm othr than a animal; but I say he shoud get some kinda prize for “A rolling cow gathrs no moss” — just fer th sheer imagery it conjures!)
“If it waddles like a cow and quacks like a cow, its probably a cow.”
When the chips are down, the cow is empty.
…as the cow flies
Raining like cats and cows
When cows fly
Does a cow have lips?
Hells bells and little cows
Okay, so these aren’t too funny. I’ll keep working on it.
Gee, I was all set before I read Joey’s and Kellypea’s but, wothehell, I’ll try it anyway: It’s raining like cows and . . . cows.
“Cow’s in the buttermilk, moo cow moo” — old American folk song
Y’all have got cows in your belfry.
It’s raining cows, hallelujah!
Cometh the time, cometh the cow.
Never trust a smiling cow.
Like cows deserting the sinking ship.
Laughing like a cow.
The cow under the toilet seat.
Like a cow in a china shop
Cow tears
Preparation H is an ointment … right Joey?
Id sure like to be a cow on th wall when th Revrend reads some o these!
And now I think Ill go visit Old Cow and Lemonade.
This, by th way, is a DANGD INTRESTING exrcise!
While th humorous imagry is a MUST, it seems that propr SOUND is likewise necessary.
Fer instance, compare these: “Float like a cow, sting like a bee,” and “Float like a buttrfly, sting like a cow.” Th first conjures th funnyer imagry, but th seckon jus sounds bettr. Seems essential that ‘cow’ be substitutd fer a one-syllable word.
Also, th imagry conjurd by th cow-substitution mus be funnyER than th imagry conjurd by th unalterd proverb. “Cows in a blanket” and “… like puttin perfume on a cow” bofe conjure funny imagry, but none funnyer than th originals, “Pigs in a blanket” and “… like puttin perfume on a pig.”
And it seems that th original proverb mus be one that itself typickly conjures imagry o some kind. “Its a cow eat cow world” souns good and conjures funnyer imagry than “Its a dog eat dog world,” as does “livin high on th cow” in relation to “livin high on th hog”; but somhow they seems illegit, since we undrstan th meanin o “dog eat dog” wifout thinkin o dogs eatin dogs, and “high on th hog” wifout thinkin o hogs.
Yet this last “rule” has a exception: It seems that a offring can work if th “form” of the original proverb is such that evn th “cowified” version clearly suggests th original. Th Revrends own “Hes a real cow in th grass” woudnt conjure any especialy funny imagry if we wasnt led to pitchr a cow slithrin like a snake in th grass.
DANG, Revrend! You really outdone yerself wif thisn!
Oh, and I did finaly notice that I repeatd th Revrends own “Id like to be a cow on th wall …” offring.
Go ahead & flog me wif a Cow o’ Nine Tails!
Don’t count your cows till they’re hatched.
Ah, as usual my readers have risen to the challenge in an admirable manner.
Joey is right – it’s a simple game but a lot trickier than it at first seems. Unfortunately it also plays better in real life because there’s a sense of ‘riffing’ that doesn’t translate too well to text. And it has to be said that some Cowverbs tell funnier than they read.
Before I go on to today’s winner, just a few more of my own favourites:
•Like a cow out of hell
•When the cat’s away the cows will play
•He’s got cows in his pants
•You can’t teach an old cow new tricks
Radioactive Jam gets an honourable mention as first cab off the rank – not that his effort was actually a proverb as such, but because he deftly tied it in to the Cow milieu.
I agree that Jedimacfan’s ‘Rolling cow…’ attempt is an amusing image, but it definitely breaks the rules. If we allow that, we must also allow such classics as ‘Every cow has a silver lining’ which is also rather mirth-inducing. But no cigar for jmf.
jr’s ‘Cow’s pyjamas’ gets a nod, as does Phoebe Fay’s ‘Cows in your belfry’. I also liked here today, gone tomorrow’s ‘Cow in a gilded cage’.
But there can only be one winner (well, actually, I make up the rules, so there could be a dozen winners if I wanted. But there aren’t), and the one that made me laugh loudest was Meggie’s ‘Like cows deserting a sinking ship’ and that gets the prix de la moo. Meggie, you may collect your code and medallion here.
Well done all!
Also, a special howdy to kellypea and sara sue. Thanks for stopping by (although I don’t think I really needed the image of a cow covered in Preparation H).
Oh – there’s a new page link at the top right hand side of the header for the Cow Salute page. I’ll put a more obvious link in the sidebar when I get a chance.
The “Salute” link seems to go to the contact page.
Oops. Fixed.
Ahh, late to the party as usual.
He’s got a grin like a Cheshire Cow.
Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Cow?
Fuck you and the cow you rode in on.
Holy Cow! I regard this as a great honour!
I have posted the medal, but am so ignorant, I couldnt get it smaller, & none of these awards seem to fit me. (there may well be a reason for that!) It tells me it will ‘shrink to fit’ but in the event it fails.
Thankyou Humbly, Rev.
I had a lot of fun reading all the others.
Meggie: You have to cut & copy the code at the bottom of the ‘Salutes’ page and put it in your sidebar – that’s all you have to do – the link for the image is taken care of, as is a hotlink back to The Cow.
People mostly try and keep ‘Award’ badges to about 150 px across so they fit in sidebars.
Colonel: Better late than never. As for that last – is that a Cowverb, or are you just expressing your pissed-offness…?
It’s an American saying from the Old West. Your last Simple Graphics Cowpoke image made me think of it.
Hell hath no fury like a cow scorned.
I’d comment, but I’ve a cow in my throat.
Hahahahha! That’s pretty damn good.
There are plenty more cows in the sea.
March comes in like a lion and goes out like a cow.