Tetherd Cow Ahead

Meanwhile, in the Tetherd Cow Ahead laboratories…

Some questions:

1. Coke has an expiry date?

2. Why are they selling it in a pharmacy?

3. Why do you need ‘grip’ on a Coke bottle?

4. Is ‘Just out of date’ any different to ’10 years out of date’ when it comes to Coca Cola?

5. Why don’t pharmacists have any sense of humour? ((I pointed out that I thought it was funny and she looked at me as if I was a lunatic.))

6. Coke has an expiry date?

A man is in critical condition in Sydney after taking a dare to eat a slug, the ABC reports. The 21-year-old caught rat lungworm disease which is caused by Angiostrongylus cantonensis, a parasitic worm that is carried by slugs and snails.

Personally, I am all for letting natural selection take care of these things. Maybe he’ll come around here and lick my fungus.

In keeping with the Tetherd Cow Ahead tradition of keeping regular readers up to date with the latest innovations in cured pig-flesh based comestibles (such as the Pork Martini, Pig Brain Aerosol ((OK, so that’s not something you’re supposed to digest, but who knows what pork fiends will do!)), and Pork Cake), we present to you today for your culinary delectation Torani Bacon Syrup. Yes folks, it’s true. Now you can enjoy your favourite crispy smoked ham flavours in an easy-to-use syrup!

That’s not so bad, I hear you protest, but then you haven’t yet read some of the Torani serving suggestions:

Torani Bacon syrup adds savory bacon flavor to cocktails, lattes, sauces and more.

Lattés? Lattés? Am I the only one who hasn’t been missing a salty pork flavour in my coffee? But the innovations don’t stop there! Torani also suggests you might be tempted by the thought of a Bacon Bloody Mary ((I guess I could see that…)), a Bacon Milkshake or (blasphemy!), a Bacon Manhattan. There’s even a recipe for a (gag) ‘Bacon Alexander’ (at least it doesn’t have cream in it).

Scanning the Torani products page, I see that they really have quite some selection of syrups there. My feeling is, though, that with this latest product they’re attempting to live high on the hog by making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

Still, I’m willing to be convinced – a Cow Medallion for the best recipe involving Torani Bacon Syrup. I will consider the word ‘best’ to mean whatever I think it should, in this context. Laughs will rate highly, but astute culinary skill will count too.

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Thanks to Guy for discovering this gem!

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The Guardian reports that publisher Penguin Australia has been left with egg on its face after it was revealed that a recipe for Tagliatelle with Sardines and Prosciutto from their book The Pasta Bible, called for the inclusion of ‘salt and freshly ground black people’. 7000 copies of the book have been withdrawn.

Penguin’s head of publishing, Robert Sessions, blamed the gaff on a spellcheck program, and said that proofreaders missed it because they were probably more concerned with checking ingredient quantities. ((Rather than the ingredients per se, I guess…)) Sessions called the mistake a typo, but I’m thinking that these kinds of episodes, where spellcheck programs offer whole alternative words to the one that is meant, should have a new name. Wordo? Hmm… a bit clunky… Suggestions?

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*Thanks to Violet Towne for spotting it in The Guardian and to my guest sub-editor King Willy for the fabulous headline.

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Live Science is carrying a story about how the amount of food featured in paintings of The Last Supper has increased over time.

Computer-assisted calculations have enabled researchers to compare similar items in 52 depictions (made between about 1000 AD to 2000 AD) of Jesus’ fabled final meal. They show that portion sizes of main courses (usually eel, lamb and pork) shown in the paintings grew by 69 percent, while plate size grew by 66 percent and bread size grew by 23 percent.

Seems like no better time to remind everyone to enter the Fat Jesus competition over on The Amateur Scientist.

Here’s my effort:

So if you’re feeling a little guilty about sitting down to the big Easter Sunday lunch today, just console yourself by asking: What Would Jesus Do?