Tetherd Cow Ahead

Boingboing ran a snippet a day or so back about ‘Mr Lee’ the German cat whose owner has equipped him with a camera to record his feline adventures. The ‘Cat Cam’ is fastened around Mr Lee’s neck, and a timing circuit snaps shots at regular intervals.

It is fascinating to see what Mr Lee gets up to in the course of his catty day. Tour #1 has him encountering a bird feeder, several other catty denizens of the area, and even snapping a couple of ‘art’ shots.

After scanning through Mr Lee’s Cat Cam site, the obvious thought occurred to me to try and do the same thing with The Spawn! (Yes, I can hear you all screaming ‘You must be mad! Don’t you want to keep your remaining fingers??!!’)

So, over the weekend I dug out a little Sony Cyber Shot that I was using a little while back in some Kite Aerial Photography experiments and charged up its battery… w00t! still working!

The electronics for the camera had previously been wired to be triggered remotely for the aerial shots so it was pretty easy to re-jig them to work with a little timer chip.

A little bit of trial-and-error and it seemed to work pretty well, and after some ‘cat-proofing’ with an old cellphone case and some gaffer tape, I tied The Spawn down and fitted the GlitchCamâ„¢…

Hmm. Not terribly impressed, but tolerating the humiliation for the moment.

I let him walk around the house for a bit to make sure that the cam was secure and that the timer was working properly. After a little bit of head shaking and scratching he seemed to get used to the GlitchCamâ„¢, so I let him outside.

Off you go little fella! Let’s see what happens in your catty existence!

(Click on the image to start the tour. Type ‘N’ for Next or ‘P’ for Previous, or use the on-screen navigation.)

OK, so I didn’t actually drink the Miracle Spring Water, so much, but it has been about five days. I opened the letter…

Oh beat me senseless with a salmon – TWO MORE FOOLSCAP PAGES of nutty rambling. I can’t begin to describe to you the effect that this has on my brain. And to think I found the Special One Drop Liquid challenging…

Now Prophet Pete is asking me for money (hands up who is surprised?).

I am asking you to plant a HOLY CONSECRATED SEED for a Great Harvest Offering of $17.00. No I don’t want you to send $37 or $77…

Oh silly me. When he said ‘$17.00’ I immediately thought “Oh, surely Prophet Pete you mean $77!”

No. SEND EXACTLY $17.00. Because 1 is the number of the Father… and 7 is the Father’s number of perfection.

Of course! It’s SO obvious! But… erm.. then why not $71.00??

Prophet Pete goes on to predict some remarkable events for my life, including something MIRACULOUS happening on July 7th, possibly the thing he saw in a ‘vision’ revealed to him by God:

I saw a total stranger giving you a beautiful box. When you opened it, joy overwhelmed you when you saw it was filled with money.

Personally, I’m thinking that if a total stranger gave me a box full of money, the expression you might see on my face would more likely be suspicion. Nevertheless, since I’ve been pre-warned by Prophet Popoff, I’m standing by to be overjoyed on July 7. You can be sure I’ll report the events of the day here on The Cow.

Around about this time in the letters, Prophet Pete ratchets up his monetary request from $17 to $27 but neglects to say what the number ‘2’ represents in this case. Maybe 2 is the number of The Holy Ghost, who has been conspicuously absent since the promise of His Instructions in Envelope #1. Or was it Envelope #2. Christ, it’s all so COMPLICATED.

Then, Prophet Pete tells me:

I am going to give you a “Bag”.* In this bag there is some prayer-blessed Dead Sea Salt, this Dead Sea Salt is in and of itself very special.

I know that you are at the moment tormented by an important and serious problem. That is why you must open the bag and use the secret anointed Dead Sea Salt exactly as I direct.

I’ve rummaged through all the papers and I can’t find the “Bag” with the Dead Sea Salt so I guess I don’t get that unless I send off my $17/$27 and empty Miracle Spring Water vial, which is a shame. I’d really like a “Bag” of Dead Sea Salt, but somehow I suspect my $17 would only buy me a 0.17c “Bag” of Saxa.

Sigh. I can’t go on. Truly, Cow fans, this is one remarkably exhausting pile of nonsense. I’d love to tell you about the ‘Silver and Gold BRACELET OF BLESSING’, the offer of Prophet Pete’s PRIVATE PHONE NUMBER and the direct revelations from the prophet AGABUS, but I can already sense you nodding off (like I did every time I looked at the pages of printing and scrawled annotations).

Eventually Prophet Peter Popoff bids farewell:

Egad. Today, Tomorrow and FOREVER. The very thought makes me nauseous. Forever is a really long time. I hate to think how many more pages of impenetrable claptrap he could churn out if he had FOREVER to do it.

I still intend to send off something to Peter Popoff in his reply-paid envelope, and I would love to hear any further suggestions of how we might bring the same kind of joy into his life that he has brought into ours.

In the meantime, it seem appropriate to see what The Spawn would make of Prophet Pete’s Wisdom.

Yes. As I thought.

___________________________________________________________________________

*Who knows why this is in quotes?

___________________________________________________________________________

While browsing the fantastic Public Domain images at Northwestern University Library (as one does) I came upon this eerie poster.

Eerie alright. Eerie, and somehow… familiar. Those beady eyes… that lurking menace… the very chill of fear in your bones…

I’m going to be away for a few days over the Festive Season so I thought I’d take this opportunity to wish all the readers of The Cow a Very Merry Yule and all the Best Things for the coming year.

Thank you all for your laughs, your wit and your wisdom over the past year (if not your atrocious ambitious poetry), and for your great company in this big ol’ Blogosphere. I hope Satan Santa sees fit to fill your stockings with things other than sharp objects, cigarette lighters, gel liquids or anything else that might be challenging to get through airport security.

Maybe candy. Candy’s safe. I think. Except for that exploding stuff.

Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noel! Natale hilare et Annum Faustum! Merry Keshmish! Chung Mung Giang Sinh! Meri Kirihimete! Gledileg Jol!

(Oh – and make sure you tune in tomorrow for a Happy Happy Joy Joy Christmas Tale to get you into the mood…)

Ever get that creepy kinda feeling that you’re being watched?

And my birthday present from The Spawn was the very unique gift of sharpened fangs in my thumb. He has learned that the logical extension of biting the hand that feeds you is to eat it as well.