Mon 20 Apr 2009
Bill’s a Jew*
Posted by anaglyph under Grumpy Old Man, Idiots, Robots
[10] Comments
My ongoing war with Telstra resulted in the above Overdue notice last month (after extended phone calls, and numerous ‘Our records are definitely correct sir!’† exhortations, revealed that a recent $700 bill was – surprise – their error). It smacks so much of petulance that one wonders whether or not they have a ‘Was SO Your Mistake!’ Department.
I was tempted to send them one of Peter Popoff’s pennies just to see what eventuated.
Further entertainment was provided by the Telstra Fembot during this time:
Fembot: Remember you can interrupt me at any time, if you…
Me: [interrupting] Oh yes, don’t you worry, I will.
Fembot: …[confused pause]… I’m having trouble understanding you. I’ll get a Customer Service representative.
After I discovered that particular loophole, I happily interrupted ‘her’ every time.
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*A friend of mine relates the following story: at a party, making polite chat, she kept wondering why an acquaintance seemed to be having trouble with another friend’s religious leanings. The conversation had gone like this:
So, how’re things?
Oh, you know, it’s been a rough few months. My wife lost her job, we’ve just enrolled little Eva in private school, my contract’s almost finished and there’s nothing on the horizon, Bill’s a Jew. I’m not sure how we’re going to get through this next year….
(Unfortunately this amusing anecdote probably won’t translate that well for American readers since you pronounce ‘due’ as ‘do’. You need to understand that here, a lazy pronunciation of ‘due’ is ‘djoo’).
†I was completely taken-aback by the insistence by the operators that Telstra could simply not have made the error, since they continue to make egregious mistakes on my cell phone bill. So far, the Blunder Count is Me: 0, Telstra 7
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Shit.
And that $0.01 is all tied up in investments.
You think you had a bad day. My lizard died and my 11 year old is not handling it very well. Burial at 11.
Joey: I’m thinking of putting Peter Popoff directly in touch with Telstra. The correspondence should be amusing, if nothing else.
MI: The passing of a lizard is indeed a sad thing.
I hate bills, I don’t pay them
I had something real witty to say but Malach beat me to it.
The best loophole with the Fembot is just to say ‘Consultant’, and it will put you through to one.
A consultant told me that.
Hey, I can see ShooWoo colours! Has The Cow been infiltrated?
Your call is important to them.
As is your cent.
Pay that Jew Bill, Revrend.
Its yer duty as a Gentileman.
Malach: And the world would work SO much better if everyone just followed your lead.
Atlas: You can never out-wit Malach.
Gifford: Yes, but that doesn’t give me the enjoyment of making the robot have an existential crisis. I like to think that when I do something it doesn’t expect, little sparks jump around in its head and it waves its arms up and down. I know that probably doesn’t happen, but you try imagining that next time and tell me it’s not fun.
Pil: I’m glad someone noticed! Not so much infiltrated as cleansed.
Cissy: Yes, and by Jove they really need that cent, poor cash-strapped blighters!
Joey: I see the joke crossed the language barrier intact. Excellent. Now I can start yez all on some serious Strine.