Thu 15 Mar 2007
Beige is the New Black & White
Posted by anaglyph under Australiana, Politics, Stupidity
[9] Comments
Here in New South Wales, Australia we are in the throes of a State election along with all the accompanying heehaw of such an event.
So last night I had a phone call from a marketing company that wanted to get my ‘opinion’ on the field. This was the conversation as it happened:
Polite Young Woman: Do you mind if I ask you some questions about the current political situation in the state?
Reverend: Not at all. As long as you ask sensible questions.
PYW: Oh… er… OK. Um, which is your preferred candidate out of Mr Transparent and Mr Translucent.
Reverend: I don’t have a preference between those two.
PYW: Oh. So shall I mark ‘Not Sure’?
Reverend: Those are my options? Mr Transparent, Mr Translucent or ‘Not Sure’.
PYW: Er. Yes…
Reverend: But I am sure. I’m sure that I don’t prefer either of those. I’m voting for The Principles Party[tippy title=”¹”]We have more of an option than just the two ‘main’ candidates, although neither of them live, apparently, in a universe which allows this possibility.[/tippy]
PYW: Well, you can only have one of those two or ‘Not Sure’. It’s which of those you prefer. You don’t have to vote for them.
Reverend: Are you asking “If I only had one life preserver and the ship was sinking, which one would I throw it to?”
PYW: I guess so. Sort of.
Reverend: [Thinks: Who made up this survey? Do they want results or do they just want to hear answers upon which they’ve already formatted policy?] In that case, I’m not sure.
PYW: [Thinks: I knew I was getting desperate when I took on this job] O-k-a-y (makes computer key clicking noise). Now, how would you describe your satisfaction with the policies of the Transparent Party currently in power: ‘Satisfied’ or ‘Not Satisfied’?
Reverend: That’s it? ‘Satisfied’ or ‘Not Satisfied’?
PYW: [Sighs] Or ‘Not Sure’.
Reverend: Why don’t you just fill in all my answers as ‘Not Sure’. It will be quicker.
I propose a different kind of tack with such surveys. It would go like this:
•If Candidate A and Candidate B were in a burning building, and you could rescue only one person would you:
A: Rescue Candidate A?
B: Rescue Candidate B?
C: Watch the building burn while playing the violin?•Given the ineffectual policies of both the main political parties, do you:
A: Prefer the ineffectual policies currently in place?
B: Prefer the ineffectual policies offered by the opposition?
C: Think that the money spent on this survey should be used to buy everyone violins?
I’m prepared to wager that the outcome would be the same, but with my version at least we’d all have music and a bonfire.
___________________________________________________________________________
¹We have more of an option than just the two ‘main’ candidates, although neither of them live, apparently, in a universe which allows this possibility
___________________________________________________________________________
We saw an ad for translucent/transparent…..it was a speech given to a ‘community’ – a policy launch. Good lord, it was so dull. “More to do but we’re heading in the right direction” What is that? Mediocrity. Torpor. Arghhhhhh…..
Here in the states, every year or so, some brilliant political wannabe will legally change his name to None of the Above and then try to get onto the ballot.
To get an even closer guage of the electorate’s thinking, I’d add a few lines to your poll-
If Candidate A and Candidate B were in a burning building, and you could rescue only one person would you:
A: Rescue Candidate A?
B: Rescue Candidate B?
C: Watch the building burn while playing the violin?
D: Obtain some gasoline and pour it onto the fire?
E: Throw whichever of them was rescued back in.
F: None of the above, since, having started the fire in the first place, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to hang around.
I want to get paid for designing surveys.
You know, there is a failure in this method. You see, let’s take for example, this scenario:
Burning building. G.W., Kerry, and Nader. Options are to–
A. Rescue G.W.
B. Rescue Kerry
C. Rescue Nader
D. Fuck it
E. Any combination of two; A, B, or C
i would not have the ability to do nothing. So, D, easily the best option, is out for me. The options of A,B,C, and E are roughly equivilent in that politicians will live to run again. I would probably let Kerry burn for calling me and a lot of good men and women I served with dumb in front of his elitist pals. But then it comes down to the other two. I know what I would do.
I would choose A. I would hate myself, but my soft spot and overwhelming sympathy for the truly challenged would do me in.
Impress with Colonel Colonel reply
Nada: Whenever I read that bloody slogan it always looks to me like “More to do but.” You know how people end sentences with ‘but’ like that? ‘We’re heading in the right direction. There’s more to do but.’
And mediocrity is the name of the game. Don’t want to frighten the voters.
Colonel: That’s too many options, and some of them useful. They’d never buy it. Interesting but.
Jam: I once designed a survey for my local community, in reference to the possibility of some street landscaping. I made it balanced and fair and tried to attempt to give everyone a chance to think carefully and intelligently about their answers. I realised how futile the whole things was as soon as I read the first response – someone had scribbled all over the form with crayon “Fuck you asshole! Why don’t you mind your own business!!!”
Fascinating insight but.
Casey: Seems to me that rescuing GW and option D are about equivalent.
they’re all a bunch of pickthank delators. unless the Reverend is standing independently? then he’s got my vote.
especially if he’s been consuming martinis
I’ve done a couple of those types of surveys where you can see they have an agenda and really couldn’t care less about what a person thinks. I was doing an ongoing one over the Christmas Holidays for our provincial government and the answers that I had to chose from did not allow me to answer to their answers. They give a broad reaching question and then expect a yes/no type answer. I told them not to call me again.
I see those sorts of surveys happen all over the world…not just in Canada.
These survey happen everywhere that someone wants to kid themselves that they know what’s going on, rather than find out the truth.