Thu 19 Jun 2008
Il Papa le Pew
Posted by anaglyph under DIY, Perfume, Religion
[22] Comments
Sheesh. The Catholic Church only ever really had one original idea and even that wasn’t terribly popular. Now they (or someone using their credentials anyway*) has gone into competition with Tetherd Cow Ahead and is treading on our turf…
PZ Myers over at Pharyngula brings to our attention a recent product to hit the Perfume Department shelves: The Pope’s Cologne. Long time readers of The Cow will know that this is well-worn territory in these parts, after our introduction in May 2006 of Lamb of God and prior to that (because we are not at all partisan here in The Cow Perfume Laboratories) of Satan’s preferred cologne Brimstone.
The Pope’s Cologne website claims to have in their possession the ‘private formula of Pope Pius IX’ and spruiks it as an “aristocratic, Old World cologne with suprising freshness…”. I hope their perfume chemistry is better than their spelling, but somehow I doubt it.
And we must wonder at the ‘suprising’ freshness. Why surprising (presuming that’s what they were trying to spell)? Is it because Pius IX is renowned as a smelly old bugger? Or did they whip it up out any old stuff they had lying around and then excitedly proclaim “Hey! Who’da thought turps and orange peel with a dash of kerosene would smell, like, fresh?”
The San Francisco Chronicle tells the story of the perfume’s rediscovery by Dr. Fred Hass, a general practitioner from California:
Hass found the purported recipe about seven years ago in a limited-edition 1963 cookbook published in the United States. The cookbook says the recipe is believed to have been passed down by the family of a French general who was in Pius’ papal guard.
One night, after a few glasses of wine with friends, he decided to make the concoction in his kitchen.
‘After a few glasses of wine with friends…’ Uh-huh. Lot’s of ‘great’ things happen like that.
“It was very pleasant,” said Hass’ cohort, Hank Sandbach of Sonoma, a retired vice president of Nabisco. “To think, if you close your eyes you’re in the presence of the pope. And if you splash a little on you get something even headier.”
Whoa there Hank! What exactly are you suggesting by that? Are you thinking, perhaps, that you chaps might have undersold yourselves there, now that the SF Chronicle has interviewed you, and that you should have tried, maybe, for God’s Perfume?
Here’s what Hass, undoubtedly aided by Hank’s expertise at the helm of Nabisco, came up with for the catchline for his scent:
The Pope’s Cologne ….a fresh new fragrance from the past.
Fresh. New. Two words not usually associated with the past. Usually things from the past are Old and Dusty. But hey.
Thing is, seeing as Pius IX was the Pope who declared Papal Infallibility as official Catholic Dogma I’m just suprised they missed the obvious marketing line:
The Pope’s Cologne. You simply CAN’T fail to impress.
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*Despite the use of one of their figureheads, the Catholic Church doesn’t appear to have anything to do with this venture.
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22 Responses to “ Il Papa le Pew ”
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“It was very pleasant,†said Hass’ cohort, Hank Sandbach of Sonoma, a retired vice president of Nabisco. “To think, if you close your eyes you’re in the presence of the pope. And if you splash a little on you get something even headier.â€
I like to read this, substituting the word “cow” for “pope”.
Of all the perfumes that set a high tone
The toniest is The Pope’s Cologne.
The Catholic Church cannot deny us
The chance to smell like old Pope Pius.
Splash it on, and you’ll confess
That this cologne can’t fail to impress.
(And because this is a poem published on The Cow it would be a sin
Not to mention the formaldehyde Rasputin’s cock has been soaking in. )
Th pontiffs cologne, it did pass,
Causd people to swoon at th Mass.
But in retrospeckt,
What woud you expeckt?
It came, aftr all, from a Hass.
I must smell like a Nursing home
If smelling like Pope’s your intent
You’re in luck, cuz he’s got a new scent
How Holy thy smell
You won’t go to Hell
Just a splash will help you repent!
Sandbach of Sonoma,
Said of th aroma,
“It smells realy popey,” from which,
Im led to conclude,
Tho it might seem quite rude,
Sandbach mus be one dumb sumbitch.
Can’t you just take the Flying Nun?
Yeah right, Atlas …
Like th Revrends gonna go hop a nun.
For cologne that needs to be stellar
Pope Pius was deemed quite the smeller
There was some doubt
If Formaldehyde Kraut
Would be quite as big of a seller.
I seem to have SILENCD you, ol boy.
So YEAH. Im DANGD happy!
Just reminds me of Old Dirty Pedophile.
Hey have you checked out these kids and their scents…
http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com/
I think they are right up your alley. You may dig it.
I wrote this review when I first started to blog and finding myself there:
http://maliciousintently.blogspot.com/2007/12/smell-me.html
Kick’s the Pope’s ass in the fragrance department.
One thing I know that is true
If the Pope was a Polock like you
That the scent of perfume
Would make folks in same room
Hold their breath ’til their faces turned blue.
I gave th rancid air a sniff,
Then gave Atlas a glance.
I crossd myself and wonderd if,
Hed just Poped in his pants.
Is this like a bitch/cat fight but between guys going on here??? Interesting.
Ummm …
You mus be new here, huh?
No, not new…just not real regular. Need more prunes.
I have my own cat fights elsewhere, just not use to see silly boys doing it, especially over smell pretty stuff.
Sit tight.
At least until th prunes arrive.
MI: Yes, I’m familiar with Black Alchemy – I blogged them back in Feb 2007. Nice to know the scents are worthwhile though, having had no personal experience of them. As far as the Joey & Atlas catfight over perfume goes, well, all I can say is that many a strange thing happens to normal minds when under the shadow of The Cow. As for abnormal minds, well, my Case Notes are proceeding well and my paper should appear in The Lancet sometime soon.
Joey & Atlas: Yeah, thanks for looking after the place while I was away. Now, can you clean up the empties & empty the ashtrays and put the pizza trays in the trash.
FINALLY, you’re back. I hope you brought Mal her prunes.
Review by perfume critic , Marie-Helene Wagner, an excerpt:
The Pope’s Cologne will probably mostly reveal his aesthetic taste. Judging from the cologne itself, it shows a man of refined taste who obviously valued subtlety, elegance, and even the rare. The scent has an ancient charm about it, especially when the floral notes start being felt, that is quite remarkable. It is a perfume recipe made in a time when flowers in masculine colognes were felt to be perfectly natural hence an absolute lack of showiness and complete sense of maturity and naturalness about the floral notes in this composition. Being a cologne meant to be worn by the Pope, it had to be restrained in principle and it is in fact; there is no unexpected flamboyance or hidden coquetry pointing its nose. Naturally, the animalic notes are extremely discreet. Perhaps we can also imagine that a certain ethereal quality, a lightness and freshness were cultivated as befitting the pope’s image. The citruses and lemon verbena are invigorating, a definite plus for a man in a public function. The fragrance is that of a man of patrician or aristocratic tastes.
The combination of citruses, lemon verbena and violet is enchanting, almost childlike in its softness and innocence. One feels inspired to make a drink that would be scented with these two main notes, violet and lemon. The “visual impression†the colors yellow and mauve suggest next to each other is also appealing.
From the flacon, the first aromas that strike the nose are citruses, woods, and amber. The start of the perfume is very citrus-y, a bit candied evoking lemon drops, like an outburst of freshly squeezed lemon juice with undertones of oceanic ambergris. The cologne then warms up becomes more powdery and vanillic but in a very understated way. Then there is a more vegetal, aromatic impression suggestive of the underbrush which kicks in. One smells a stylized subtle violet with some clove in it, perhaps some carnation since the powdery feel becomes a little bit more accentuated gliding even into a creamy impression. The blend at this point feels very elegant and refined, aristocratic even, showcasing an accord that feels rare and unusual. Very delicate floral nuances arise betraying tinges of rose, peach and then mauve. It smells a little bit of orange-blossom scented mauve guimauve, but in a very elegant manner. The woods then become more apparent and the most finely textured one of them, sandalwood in particular, it seems. There is also a little bit of a birch tar impression, but very discreet as the dry-down evokes a more familiar impression found in Russian leather scents. The longer dry-down smells a bit of the woodiness of orris. All the while the citruses impart their freshness to this elegantissime scent.
The recipe of the 19th century cologne was faithfully followed by Dr. Fred Hass (he happens to be US Poet-Laureate Robert Hass’ brother by the way) therefore the longevity is also authentically that of a perfume from that period. Fred Hass told us that he prefers not to touch the original recipe. It leaves nevertheless a very subtle scent on the skin, which contributes to the overall feeling of authentic old-world elegance.
Marie-Helene Wagner
December 3, 2007
Fred: Hello and welcome to The Cow!
I’m glad Marie-Helene liked your scent. I visit her blog sometimes. Look, I’m sure your scent is perfectly reasonable. Please understand that everything here on The Cow is up for lampooning. It’s that kind of place.
Send me a bottle – I’ll review it too. You can see that elsewhere in (in the Perfume category in the sidebar) I do like and review perfumes. You just happened to make a scent that overlaps into the territory of the Catholic Religion – something I do most strongly NOT like.