Thu 26 Mar 2009
Bach in a Minuet
Posted by anaglyph under Signs, Tragedy
[69] Comments
You know you’ll never survive the Apocalypse when you wonder for a moment why the spelling on your handwritten shopping list didn’t just auto-correct…
Srsly.
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Is crappy new operating system on your list now? If so, have I got a deal for you!
speling miztake? wot speling miztake?
Atlas: No thanks. Even my 51 year old operating system is working better than that.
Nurse Myra: Now I know you like the old fashioned methods of doing things, but I’ve never seen you make a spelling mistake! Physics/weighing mistake, maybe…
Is it just me, or are you shopping for a new floor to go with your liqid?
Er… it’s actually a table. I have a lot of wood.
Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean.
You simply need to upgrade your appliances and life will be easier for you.
http://www.smartcomputing.com/editorial/article.asp?article=articles/archive/g0806/18g06/18g06.asp
Come on, we all know technology NEVER fails or screws anything up.
Im glad thats a shoppin list.
Id hate t think it was a recipe.
What kinda Apples are you shopping for?
I’ve been known to shout “undo, undo” at inanimate objects after an unexpected fuckup.
you have a lot of wood? Lucky Violet Towne :-)
MI: Yeah, y’know, I notice how the Internet Fridge didn’t actually catch on so much. Like anyone had to be a genius to figure that out: “Oh, I’ll just stand here and surf the web while I’m waiting for the peas to thaw…”
Joey: I put detergent in everything I cook. The food washes the dishes as you eat it.
Atlas: Yeah – they come from the same store where I get the lemons.
Pil: Does it work?
Nurse Myra: Tsk.
That’s your Chopin liszt?
You splet flowers wrng
The King
I put detergent in my food too.
I mean, who wants to be ingestin a lot o … ummm … yknow … terg.
Apocalypse! You got problems, no zombie killing instructions.
↑ Fucking idiot.
What a coincidence.
That’s an exact list of all of the ingredients in my Ram-Brand apple brown betty (if we’re talking maple in terms of wood).
And, I could be wrong here, but I think I’ve detected a hint of dishwashing liquid and lemon in Mnorgovudkka as well.
Isn’t it speled Apocowlips
Th Apocalyptus is where th Lord, aftr separatin th lambs from th goats, sets aside a few koalas for cuddlin latr.
The horror… The horror…
Atlas: lol
I see you are using the Apple ipad for your word processing and listing needs.
Cissy Strutt: As the post title suggests…
King Willy: Bloody operating system. And the Internet Fridge stocked itself up on some kind of powdery white stuff.
Joey: If you ever change your mind, try Tetherd Cow Ahead Retergent™! (Also gets dishes grimier than grimy!)
Malach: Wow, there goes the bot auto-parse again:
•if input = $*apocalypse*:
•get routine: StupidNonsense
•print: [StupidNonsense] + [var] + [‘zombies’]
•else print: [StupidNonsense] + [random]
•goto NextBlog
•repeat
Atlas: What you said.
Ram: You’re good. You’re very good. Did you figure that out merely by tasting Mnorgodvudkka, or did you spill some on your benchtops and then notice they were shinier and brighter? I bet CocaCola are extremely nervous now that RamCola is on the shelves.
Cissy Strutt: I want my Apocowlips and I want it NOW!
Joey: You got upstaged by…
Atlas:… bwahahahahahahaha!
Silverstar: Broken link? Care to try again? Or was it an existential jest that I completely missed?
HA! upstaged he said! That’s almost BETTER than a Cow Medal!
Upstagd, Revrend?
You think th right cross evr lands wifout th preceding left jab?
HAHAHAHA! OMG, The Joey Polanski Show has pitched its Big Top on the TCA lawn!! Come one come all! Shit, where’s the whisky?
Good thing you didn’t write it as “Come one come all shit! Where’s the whiskey?”
Im jus glad he said “pitchd its Big Top.”
Heck, I feel a POEMSKI comin on!
Underneath the Big Top
Swinging high on the trapeze
Is Joe Polanski hanging by
The limb between his knees.
When Atlas pitchd his Big Top,
We all said, “What th hell?”
It lookd like just a pup tent,
And a teacup breed as well.
Animals and circus freaks
Are common things to see
At any family gathering
of Joey Polanski’s
Scenes inside th sideshow,
How they make th noggin spin!
Atlas hangin tween my legs,
A parasitick twin!
Polanski went to see the doc
But his test results were shady
Why’d he see a pecker doc
If he’s the bearded lady?
“Step right up!” said Atlas,
And th multitudes did come.
He droppd his drawrs & showd em all,
General Tom Thumb.
Polanski had the circus midgets
Naked in his lap
They bounced around and got him off
And he gave them the clap.
Guys, Guys! Get a room for Chrissakes!
Rev, the whisky’s (sic – you rally ned tht speellcheck Riv) behind the couch (where Joey and Atlas should be methinks).
Wow, ‘they met at The Cow’,
Sounds sooo romantic now,
the tent with the Pole or the pole with the Tent,
I’d better stop now before this gets bent.
The King
I see why King Willy,
Woud want us to stop:
For who, except he,
Coud pitch th Big Top?
Willy stripped down all his clothes
His girlfriend made him “schwing!”
But when she looked she laughed at him
“You call yourself a King?”
Cursing P.T. Barnum,
Atlas grimaced wif his load:
“A suckr born EACH MINUTE?
WhynaHECK cant I get blowd?”
Polanski thinks he’s funny
With his jabs and little quips
It’s even funny watching Joe
Wipe Atlas off his lips
Prformin in th centr ring,
A pussy, a boy, and a boy!
So give yer warmest welckome to,
Atlas & Siegfried & Roy!
The crowd cheered on, they clapped for more
With all their mouths agape
For never had they ever seen
A talking Polish ape
Damn Cow! Polanski’s poems are bad enough without him getting credit for mine, too!
As a kid I got excited when the circus came to town
Of all of the acts, my favourites were the midget and the clown.
But now each night, as bedtime calls, my weary head lies down
And the nightmares come: always the same, with the midget and the clown…
Atlas: >>Damn Cow! Polanski’s poems are bad enough without him getting credit for mine, too!
Hahahaha! POETIC justice if ever I saw it!
A film wif men in leotards,
So festive, bright, and gay —
Aint that The Greatest Show on Earth?
Said Atlas, “Boy, Ill say!”
“Llamas, chimps and, elephants”
Said Joe as he recalled
“Circus clowns and midgets, too
I’ve had sex with them all!”
The crowd was hushed, the lights were dimmed, the ‘ringmaster’ said his piece.
The curtains parted to reveal young Atlas on his knees.
And up behind him strode the Pole – the biggest you’ve ever seen.
The day the mighty Joey, popped young Atlas’s cherise.
The King
Damn I need my own spellcheck!
The King
While settin up th Big Top,
We all lookd on, suprisd.
Th King had brought a tent-pole,
That wasnt circus-sized.
King Willy’s in the bathroom
Writing poems all alone
He gets his inspiration
While he’s sitting on his throne.
Hah hah, hilarious Atlas, now back to business!
I trust you sit on a cushioned chair,
To be quite frank it wasn’t fair,
Suggesting Joey broke you open wide,
As he rammed his tent-pole deep inside.
A far more likely solution,
for your poor cherry’s dissolution.
Can be found in the pages of the Tetherd Cow,
filed under: Old Rasputin!
The King
ps That effort dedicated to nursemyra
The King
This could have all been avoided if you used tablets ……. why do people always over complicate things? ……… tsk
Tablets, hmm I’m sure even the Egyptians made spelling mistakes on their tablets PapaSmurf, let’s see:
Set = Seti (a joke understood 2000 years later)
Horus = Borus, Horse or Chorus
Rah = Jah, sometimes Rev sometimes Joey or Raj
Osiris = Sirius (The Polack Star), Oh Sir is…
yawn
Geoffrey Rush
Writing poems for Willy’s a chore
It’s no wonder that his ass is sore
Now he’s taking steroids
For his butt’s hemorrhoids
Since he keeps going digging for more.
P.S. loved the papa smurf rjab :)
jab. Good thing I never make tipos or misteaks.
Willy wee!
Willy wink!
Willy write de poem dat stink!
Who th heck wrote THAT?
Souns like it mighta been Jobu.
Daddy Papersurfer: I avoided all the bad poetry by using tablets – the kind that make you sleep nice & sound and wake up when it’s all over.
HAHAHAHAHA!
I dont know if you Australians are familyar wit th expression ‘jumpin in’, or ‘bein jumpd in’. (In this case, eithr acktive or passive voice is propr.) It rfers to one way in which a young rapscallion bcomes a membr of a gang o street toughs. Th “initiate” gets beat on fer a while by some o th gangs establishd membrs and “shows his stuff” in th way he fights back.
Fokes, I think King Willy jus been jumpd inta th gangski!
Anaglyph – I must turn to you for advice more often – that’s how desperate I am ……
Joey: Oh God, don’t encourage him. It’s bad enough already.
Daddy Papersurfer: I subscribe to the old adage ‘Better Living Through Chemicals’. It’s gotten me through many a harrowing experience.
Shit, Revrend!
I dont think you couda givn a more appropriate blessing!
Yeah, yeah, I know Red rag, bull, and so forth. Plenty of bull.
Here, try this link for the apple ipad. This is a joke from the olden days, but apparently Apple really is bringing out the thing.
(It works in preview, we can only hope.)
My dad took to the computer reasonably well. Unfortunately my sister insisted on getting him a PC so his biggest annoyance is ‘Why do I get all these virus warnings every ten seconds…?’
But my brother could certainly do with the iPad sometimes!