Tue 27 Dec 2005
A Peddler Just Opening His Pack
Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
[7] Comments
Spam Observations #21
Nicholas Malone wrote to me today with some cheery Christmas News. I’m touched that Nicholas took some minutes off on his holiday break to think of me. I completely forgot to send him anything.
From: BHZLFTW@gslahr.og.bw.schule.de
Subject: ModernBill
Date: 27 December 2005 11:56:50 PM-Sensattional revolution in meedicine!
-E-nlarge your p-enis up to 10 cm or up to 4 inches!
-It’s herbal solution what hasn’t side effect, but has 100% guaranteed results!
-Don’t loose your chance and but know wihtout doubts, you will be impressed with results!
Did you spot it?: “what hasn’t side effect“…
Well, he’s lying isn’t he? One obvious side effect is that it completely fucks up your spelling, your typing and your grammar. He quite evidently plays loose and fast with the truth (let alone with the chances).
So despite the Christmassy fact that his name is Nicholas it’s gonna be a cold day in Hell before I let him anywhere near my p-enis.*
*Not that I’m suggesting in any way that I’d be letting Santa play with my p-enis, you understand. Unless he was a she and he looked, oh, something like this.
So you fokes can quit laffin at th way I spell, type, an sentence construct. Its hard evdence that I gotta biggr p-encil than any o yous.
I’m uncertainly if the seender is just sttupid or try to circumventing -E-mail f-ilters.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Joey: It’s not the size of the p-encil, it’s the way you use it.
RaJ: How about just stupid. These never evade my email filters and the only reason I see them is because I have my filters set so they don’t automatically junk such things.
archshrk: Not only that, Nicholas inserts extra letters and punctuation and manages to speak like a hillbilly. And you can still understand him. Sort of.
If your woman wants a replica, then your p-enis is probably fine the way it is.
Indeed, but with all this spam, it’s so difficult to tell… Am I happy? Is she happy? Do I need more length, more stamina, more money? Does she want a Screw-In Crown? A Unidirectional Bezel? Do I need OEM, Ultra-Allure or SPUR-M?
Now I’m just confused.
Maybe a glass of water will help.
Yeah, but can you put yer p-encil in yer p-ockit?
In yer shirt p-ockit, I mean.