Fri 21 May 2010
Bluetooth?
Posted by anaglyph under Daft Advertising, Gadgets, Music, Technology
[23] Comments
The Forever White™ Teeth Whitening Headset promises to get your teeth white and let you listen to music at the same time! Incredible! Because, gosh, who’da thought of getting a non-hifi teeth whitening kit and just firing up your iPod with the headphones you already have?!
What you do, evidently, is slather some goop on your teeth, activate it with the blue LEDs in the unit, pop on the headset and sit back for an hour with a little musical inspiration as your dazzlers become even more dazzling.
So now all we need to do is come up with a suitable ‘motivational’ playlist for prospective customers to enjoy while their pearlies are getting whiter. How about A Whiter Shade of Pale? When You’re Smiling (the Whole World Smiles With You)? Almost Blue? I’m All White Now?
Suggestions?
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•The comment on the photo refers to the fact that it is ‘Everybody Draw Mohammed Day‘. Now there are those who have protested that this concept is racist and that by adopting it all those who partake are necessarily making a racist statement. I just want to make it clear that I don’t think for a second that it’s about race. It’s about religion. It’s a silly religious notion, and we treat all silly religious notions equally here on The Cow.
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As Joey would say:
All I want fer Christmas are my two front teef.
Yup. That’s gotta be there alright.
Another One Bites the Dust
sung by Queen Willy, of course.
Id reckommend a little White Noise.
Theme from Jaws.
Wrap that contraption around your ass and sing ‘Blue Moon’.
Milky Teeth by Tindersticks.
The King
A muslim, while stuck in Miami,
Got up th nerve, hands feelin clammy,
To enter a diner,
And spew th one-liner:
“I’ll have scrambled eggs, and mo’ hammy!”
The waitress inside was named Connie.
She said to the muslim, “You’re scrawny!”
“I don’t think you’d eat
All them eggs and that meat
So instead just suck down some Torani.”
You guys are both going to Jahannam.
How many virgins they got there?
Is Malach talking about virgins, do you think?
As part of his daily routine
Malach is really quite keen
On using some bleach
And sandpaper for each
Of the elephants he has to clean
It’s sure to cause chafing, no doubt,
And to bring irritation about,
If one shoud use bleach,
And sandpaper to reach,
Down there, planning to rub one out.
Sandpaper does more than just chafe
As Malach can sadly vouchsafe:
His elephant-bride
Scoured bloody his hide
Saying “Don’t worry, my dear, it’s quite safe.”
[Why *does* everyone pick on poor Malach, here? It seems to be one of those never-explicitly-mentioned facts of life, so I guess I’m missing some history.]
It’s a long story, but it can be succinctly illustrated by one single post.
Hah, Flash them Pearlies Rev
The King
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, now THEREs a TRUE BELIEVR!
How’s about some dental rap?
That headset must work, since the quackometer scored that page as 0 Canards! (it’s nice to have a proper scientific measure of these things)
Can anyone say ‘squamous carcinoma of the gum line?’
Dewi: It must be the music, I figure – it invokes the Mozart Effect to improve whiteness!
Timothy: Ick. But yes, you have to wonder, with all that direct UV on the soft tissue…
Spammers off the starboard bow, cap’n, and coming in hot! Batten down the hatches! Man the ack-acks! ABANDON SHIIIIP!
Yeah, I know – they’ve hit hard right across The Cow. Some new kind of bot methinks. Akismet got some of them but I’ve had to manually clean up a dozen or so.