Thu 29 May 2008
Global Warming? Huh?
Posted by anaglyph under Insane People, Stupidity
[16] Comments
Oh yeah.
In a completely incredible New Flavour of Stupid, a company called Autoloc is selling kits that will allow you to turn your car into a flamethrower.† The basic idea is that you stick the ‘Autolocâ„¢ Advance Flame Control System’ up your exhaust pipe after which ‘this sizzling product can make up to 20 feet of flames shoot from your exhaust tips with a touch of a button!’
The Tetherd Cow Ahead Psychology Department suggests that this is the automotive equivalent of lighting your farts.‡
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†The Autolocâ„¢ website warns that the exhaust pipe flamethrower is ‘For Off Road Use Only!’ but the smell of snicker snicker snicker is at least as overpowering as the smell of napalm in the morning. Yeah, that car demonstrating the product really looks like an off-road vehicle…
‡I guess there’s your demographic right there.
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16 Responses to “ Global Warming? Huh? ”
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[…] With so many people evidently believing all this vapid twaddle, I suddenly see myself finding uses for last post’s gadgetry. […]
Cool. I’ll bet that would get rid of that nasty yellowjacket’s nest in the lawn.
Looks like a fine feature for Fart Machine #3.
In semi-related news, perpetualocean.com now seems to have been *removed* from work’s blocked site list. Oh the mysteries…
20 feet of flames? Why that’s, that’s … why that’s twice more than 10 feet!
*note to web pedants (‘webdants’ if you will): I do know that twice more than 10 feet is in fact 30 feet.*
This would look awesome on a ForFour.
Colonel: Careful now. I resisted oh-so-strongly tagging the post with the epithet: Only in America…
RaJ: Yes, especially if they can clear that ‘100 ft’ problem. Why, it would be just like having a portable… er… flamethrower… (except with fart noises I guess. Which could make for very entertaining battle sequences in films).
As for the PO website, well, maybe they finally conceded that my porn is art after all. Which would be ironic considering the latest witch-hunt in this one-horse-town we call Australia (Note to fellow Aussies: I considered doing a post on the Bill Henson scandal but the whole thing makes my blood pressure go so high that I figured it’s best to avoid it. Suffice to say that Violet Towne and I frequently have conversations these days about retiring to Barcelona).
JR: Yeah, how long can it be until: ‘Raging Inferno Caused by Cigarette Butt’ reads instead: ‘Raging Inferno Caused by Butt-Head’?
Cissy Strutt: Well at least you picked the door with the car. How scary would it be to have chosen a goat farting 30 ft flames?
Atlas: I don’t mess with pissy little exhaust flamethrowers. My machine is armed with twin IRIS-T heat-seekers and GAU-12/U Equalizers with incendiaries. The anti-theft system is armed with a 200,000 volt proximity-activated EV field and the defensive system includes a ground-deployed version of the SDI-developed Brilliant Pebbles device (that actually works). Also, down here we are also trained comprehensively in the lethally effective techniques of strong language.
I had a feeling that the South Africans were more on the money with this sort of thing – the flames seemed the wrong way round… so a little search revealed:
http://edition.cnn.com/WORLD/africa/9812/11/flame.thrower.car/
You must watch the movie – it’s a classic!
Fortunately the “Fire blinds, not kills, maker assures”, thank heavens for that – though it takes a little fun out methinks.
The King
hey- you weren’t picking tomatoes last year in the garden when you got stung two nights in a row by yellowjackets that made a nest in the middle of the tomato patch. Now we can’t do pesticides there, BUT A FLAMETHROWER…
Well, yes, maybe I’ll cut you some slack when it comes to pest control. After all, I wouldn’t want to be cast as the pot calling the kettle black, as Polanski surely would have been quick to point out, had he been reading lately.
Hey where’d my comment go?
King Willy: For some reason Akismet decided you were a spammer – possibly because you used the word ‘African’ and included a link.
As for the Seth Efrikan flamethrowers, well it wouldn’t be the first time that White folks have decided that the most expedient (and least morally ambiguous) way to deal with Black folks is to set them on fire.
Wow, some envy going on there
Malach: Like I said to Atlas, not with my car equipped the way it is.
Seth Efrikan. Ha! Nice. And what makes it especially nice is I’m pretty sure that just rolled right out of your brain without any effort at all.
*doffs hat*
Can’t take credit for that I’m afraid Jam. My circle of friends have always used that term and I don’t know if any of us could tell you from whence it came…