Tue 11 Sep 2007
In Your Dreams
Posted by anaglyph under Insane People, Peter Popoff, Skeptical Thinking
[13] Comments
I suppose that you’ve all been on the edge of your seats waiting to find out if Prophet Peter Popoff would manage to find time in his busy schedule to reply to my reply to his missives to me. Well Cow fans, fret not! Last week I had a personal reply from Prophet Pete acknowledging my correspondence!
Well, in a manner of speaking.
Prophet Pete professes to be pleased to hear from me and yet his verbose (now that’s a surprise) response neglects to address any of the topics I raised when I wrote to him. Golly gosh, it’s almost like he didn’t even read my letter!
Prophet Popoff seems to believe that he and I have now developed some kind of special spiritual bonding (even though he doesn’t have a lot of interest in anything I say) and spares no effort to give me the benefit of his irksome and clichéd ‘wisdom’. Somewhere ’round about paragraph 4, though, the tone of his writing changes and he begins to get disturbingly familiar:
In this personal letter I must share certain things with you The Holy Spirit has “revealed” to me.
Uh oh.
This morning, during my prayer time (5.30 am) a powerful anointing came over me as I called your name. As I prayed, God showed me something unusual 3 different times… I FELT A POWERFUL ANOINTING “RELEASED” AND FLOWING BETWEEN US. I don’t have the interpretation yet, but I will.
Well I have an interpretation, but I’m really not going to elaborate because, well, it makes me feel kind of queasy. If it’s all the same to you Prophet Pete, I’d just as soon you didn’t call out my name at 5.30 am in the middle of a powerful flowing, or at the very least, just keep that information to yourself.
Prophet P goes on to tell me of the three visions he’s had for me – three things that God has revealed to him. #1 involves the packing of boxes…
Are you planning some kind of move?
… he asks. My God! The man is psychic! How could he possibly know? Now I’m really paying attention for Vision #2 but it’s just plain boring (and completely wrong). Let’s skip to Vision #3 where we hit paydirt:
Have you been praying for a certain amount of money for something special? Yes ___ No ___ How much? ___
Yes! I have been praying for some money Prophet Pete! How much? Three BILLION DOLLARS! I know, I know, that sounds a little bit greedy, but heck, this is praying, right – may as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb! Even more spooky though, I’ve been praying for a pet eagle!
The letter rambles on in the manner I’ve come to expect (excluding, strangely, the underlinings and coloured annotations of previous letters), and after asking for some money Prophet Pete signs off with the usual guff and urges me to write down any unusual dreams. Since he has comprehensively failed to acknowledge my request for details on any dreams he may have had involving a ‘tetherd cow’, I am forced to conclude that he has no real interest at all in my own visions and therefore worth no further attention.
So adios Prophet Peter Popoff. If you want to get any further coverage on Tetherd Cow Ahead you’re going to have to do significant work on your schtick. Of course, if my pet eagle arrives tomorrow with a cheque for, oh, say, a cool billion, I’ll be quite prepared to eat crow.
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*We spell it cheque. You’d best be checking your spelling when in our country, n00b.
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Maybe the eagle was actually checking for money in its claws. Maybe, unlike us, they accumulate cash between their toes, instead of nasty smelly sweaty deposits. Maybe.
Revrend! How can you be so cold tward yer own dearest brother?
Wow. That’s a little too special, hearing about how P.P. got to releasing and flowing.
Releasing and flowing is certainly healthy for P.P., but I don’t see how it helps you.
Nice, Methinks Prophet Pete has been smoking the Wacko Tabacco
Oh,way to go Rev, you hypocrite. You’ve been praying for THREE billion but you’ll sacrifice your principles and get back on PP’s bandwagon if you get only ONE billion.
I’m disillusioned.
jr: I’d put up with the possibility of eagle toe-jam if it meant an extra billion in my bank account.
Joey: I’d be much warmer to him if he’d supplied the Dead Sea Salt he promised. Failing that I’ll settle for money.
Phoebe Fay: I know. Icky isn’t it. Maybe Peter P would like an introduction to Senator Craig? It’s the least we could do, eh?
Malach: Prophet Pete has been smoking old bits of soggy rope if you ask me. The kind they use for keelhauling…
Catalyst: I’ll get on anyone’s bandwagon for a billion dollars. Three buys my soul as well.
Thanks for the spelling lesson; I thought it was supposed to be ‘n00b.’
Jam: Yes, that’s how it is meant to be and in fact how I wrote it… except that in the font that the main post text is set ‘noob’ and ‘n00b’ don’t l00k t00 much different.
It’s a shame that my little science experiment has come to an end. It’s really very sad, but I think that it provided some very entertaining posts here at the Cow. It’s going to be really challenging trying to find something even better to sign you up for next time…
So let me get this straight- he writes saying that when he “prays” for you he screams your name and “releases” a “powerful flow”, and then he asks you to send him money and write to him about your “unusual dreams”???
Around here sending that sort of letter to the wrong person (say anyone under 18) could get him 3-5 with a “congregation” that he wouldn’t wanta turn his back and bend over in front of…
Maybe we should check to see if Profit Pete has any priors concerning his peter?
jmf: Last night I had a dream, and in that dream I saw a tetherd cow. And lo, out of the mouth of that cow came a voice, and that voice was the voice of The Lord. And the words that The Lord spake unto me were a reference to The Bible. And that reference was: Job 4:8.
Colonel: Prophet Pete seems to have eluded the grasp of the magistrate with the slipperiness of an oiled pig. It appears that after many tangles with the US law he has now set up his operation in countries (like Australia) that may not have seen any of the many exposés of his flim-flammery.
But with this obvious need he has to inform the world of his nocturnal emissions, it can only be a matter of time before he’s in the communal shower playing Hide The Soap with a crack-dealing biker.
HAHAHAHAHA. BRILLIANT! Simply brilliant. HAHAHA.
“A big check for money” ? As opposed to a big check for, er… say, the fine print?