Sun 13 May 2007
Word$worth?
Posted by anaglyph under Poetry, Spam Observations
[8] Comments
Spam Observations #41
It’s not enough that I am constantly plagued by bad poetry by my readers here on The Cow. Now the spammers are at it. This missive from my new best feiend Pauline:
Gorgeous presents You may find,
Make this clear to your mind
Morning, noon or even night
Here’s the link that you want
http://www.crapwatches.com
Rolex, Cartie and much more
Hurry up, this is YOUR store!Regards, Pauline
Now, I’ve replaced the URL that Pauline was kind enough to send, for the obvious reason that I don’t want to give these idiots any additional publicity, but I have not touched the scanning or the rhyme.
I draw your attention to the lines:
Morning, noon or even night
Here’s the link that you want
http://www.crapwatches.com
I mean, really. Not even a vague attempt at rhyming. ‘night’ and ‘want’? ‘want’ and ‘.com’? And scan? Forget it! Cheeze. You’d think Pauline could do better than that. After all, if you’re going to use crap poetry to spam people, it doesn’t actually matter what kind of nonsense you write so you could make it anything and still get the rhyme right at least. What about:
Here’s a link that is the bomb
http://www.crapwatches.com
Or maybe:
Morning, noon or even night
Here’s the link to set you right!
Not in the same league as my Mr Brooke, I know, but c’mon Pauline! Work with me!
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I sincerely hope that Pauline’s ‘poem’ doesn’t herald a new trend in spamming. I don’t think my delicate constitution can take it.
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She’s *really* dumb. I mean, Cartie? She could have said:
Rolex, Cartier and more
Keeps the meter, looks less stupid – what’s to not like?
To Pauline the aspiring poet – don’t quit your day job.
If it’s not a Cowlexâ„¢, then I’m not interested. That’s the only crap watch that I care about.
Strange fits of passion have I known:
And I will dare to tell,
But in the Spammer’s ear alone,
For they put me in hell.
What fond and wayward thoughts will slide
Into a Poet’s head!
“O mercy!” to myself I cried,
“All spammers should be dead!”
Where’s the TCA store? I clicked the link and now I want to order a Cowlex
is there a readers’s discount?
Jam: If one of the priorities of spammers was ‘to look less stupid’ then they’ve got a lot of brushing up to do. Personally I doubt that a mere improvement of poetic skills will cut the mustard.
jmf: You seem to be under some misapprehension that the Cowlexâ„¢ is a watch…
Wordiam: One can but agree. Please accept this daffodil for your efforts.
nursemyra: I’ll get the shop up and running soon. And of course there will be discounts! Especially on the Rolexes and the Viagra.
At last, an occupation which combines my two great talents. Poetrie and spa- – err – surfing the web.
And having bright ideas.
Ok, three great talents. Poetrie, surfing the web and bright ideas.
And looking for easy money
Ok, four great talents. Poetrie, websurfing, bright ideas and looking for easy money.
Hi there Archie! Thanks for dropping by The Cow!
Up until now spammers have only been indulging in the ‘looking for easy money’ option. This poetry thing is a new and worrying development…
What is worse is when guests start doing poor Monty Python imitations! That is the real terror of the internets. But I am not the Messiah. I am just a very naughty boy!