Fri 10 Jul 2009
Special One Drop Intelligence
Posted by anaglyph under Gadgets, Insane People, Kooky, Silly, Skeptical Thinking
[29] Comments
Good morning Acowlytes all. Speaking of things that are so absurd that I couldn’t have made them up in my wildest flights of fancy, I ask you to cast your mind back in time to Sunday April 27, 2009. Can’t remember what you were doing on that day? Well then, you evidently haven’t been using your Special One Drop Liquid. If you don’t recall that particular milestone of scientific progress, I urge you to go back and refresh your memory before reading on…
…because I have been contacted by someone who quite obviously has a stake in Special One Drop Liquid. Entropy0 left this comment on that post:
Wow. What a glorious display of just how stupid and ignorant you all are. Attacking a product you’ve never even looked at with your own eyes, with infantile mockery and ridicule. A product someone had to find for you on the net. A product who’s operating principles you’ve demonstrated to be too stupid to understand. Not only have none of you morons ever tried the product you’re bashing (you kids obviously couldn’t afford it anyway), you’re all too dumb and insecure to have even tried the free tweaks you’re bashing. You are the same unevolved cretins who back in time, lambasted a surgeon with mockery and ridicule for being so silly as to wash his hands before surgery. How nice to see some haven’t evolved beyond their ancestors in hundreds of years. Luddites literally so scared of science, they prefer to revel in their own ugly ignorance and display it before the rest of the world; rather than try to understand the world better. I mean really! Aussies. Is there any race on earth stupider? Given that you people are known to chainsaw your own arm off to win a bet, it’s hard to imagine. Thanks for making me laugh in the middle of my day. LOL! Now go back to slapping each other on the back for squashing a bug.
Well, after the inevitable pinging noises in my brain settled down, I decided we should scrutinize some of Entropy0‘s points. After all, there’s nothing I like better than a good reasoned argument.[tippy title=”*”]OK, OK, I know I shouldn’t engage in Loon Bashing, but really, they bring it upon themselves…[/tippy]
First of all Mr 0 (may I call you Entropy?) infantile mockery and ridicule is not something I dispense lightly here on The Cow. Oh no, I save that for very special grades of stupidity – like Breatharians and people who believe their anus is haunted or that lizard men rule the Earth. What these things have in common with the claims of the purveyors of Special One Drop Liquid is that they defy the rational, normal commonsense with which we navigate the world.
Now, let’s examine some of your criticisms:
•I haven’t looked at the product with my own eyes.
No, that’s true. But I don’t need to try and live on nothing but air for a month to know that idea is an unparalleled piece of stupidity either. Nor do I need get myself bled to get rid of an illness, nor feel the need to sacrifice a goat when the moon eclipses the sun in order for the light to return. Why? Because I’ve made an effort to understand the world through rational thought. Unlike yourself.
•Someone ‘had to find’ the product for me on the net.
Er. No. Your implication is that I was looking for it. I could never have anticipated something as daft as Special One Drop Liquid in my most bizarre dreams. It was brought to my attention by someone as something I would find amusing, which I do.
•We ‘kids’ couldn’t afford Special One Drop Liquid.
Well first of all, that would have to be the first time I’ve been called a kid in forty years or so. I’m flattered. Oh, I see, it was meant to be condescending! Silly me. And I actually could afford to buy it, but the measure of my sanity (not to mention my robust financial situation) is that I choose to spend my money sensibly.
•I don’t understand Special One Drop Liquid’s ‘operating principles’ because I’m too stupid.
I don’t understand Special One Drop Liquid’s ‘operating principles’, that’s for sure. But it’s not because I’m too stupid – it’s because the claimed ‘operating principles’ defy any kind of cogent thought processes. Allow me to quote a small segment of the press release:
To ascertain the effect of the One Drop Liquid on any object, it is only necessary to initially stand the small bottle containing the Liquid on the face of the object.
So, to paraphrase: if I stand a bottle of SODL on an object, I will be able to ascertain from that act the effect of the liquid itself on that object.
Without even entering into any discussion of what Special One Drop Liquid does, this claim is manifestly absurd (well, except if the liquid does nothing at all I guess, in which case the proposition is self-evident).
•I and my readers are ‘too dumb to try the free tweaks we’re bashing’.
Oh, would they be the things like: A piece of blue paper placed under a vase of flowers will improve the sound of music played in the same room? Or: Tying a reef knot in the power cord of my music system will improve the sound?
Just to prove I’m not ‘too dumb’ (or perhaps to prove that I actually am) I tried both of these things. As I expected, there was not one whit of noticeable effect on my music. So how are you going to explain that, eh? (let’s just forgo the old pseudoscientific party-line that my ‘skeptical vibes’ stopped the effect from being activated – it’s the lamest get-out-of-jail-free card of all time).[tippy title=”†”]And I will point out here that I am a very experienced sound engineer, and eminently qualified to assess any ‘effect’ on the music that might have been taking place.[/tippy]
There is no reasonable explanation that you can offer that these things would work, and there isn’t one on the Special One Drop Liquid website either.
•I and my readers are ‘the same unevolved cretins’ who would not have scoffed at medical hygiene in previous eras.
Ignoring the rather desperate and sad name-calling (of which you seem inordinately fond – excellent debating technique sir!), the conjecture is unprovable and irrelevant; show us proper science behind the absurd claims for Special One Drop Liquid and we will believe it! It’s simple.
•I and my readers are Luddites.
Do you actually know what a Luddite is? Let me quote from Dictionary.com:
Lud·dite (lÅd’Ä«t)
n.
1. Any of a group of British workers who between 1811 and 1816 rioted and destroyed laborsaving textile machinery in the belief that such machinery would diminish employment.2.One who opposes technical or technological change.
Now I assume you are not accusing me of being a 19th century mill worker, so you must, somehow, think I am a person who opposes technological change. If you’ve bothered to read any of The Cow you will know that’s an absurd and erroneous claim (except when it comes to robots, it goes without saying). Mr 0 – I am not opposed to technology or change. What I am opposed to is ludicrous piffle that poses as science.
•Australians would chainsaw their own arm off to win a bet.
Aside from demonstrating your incredible gullibility (the chainsaw bet is a much-loved yarn, pal) you are using the most pathetic of ad hominem attacks: damning one person on the basis of a racial stereotype. Nice work.
On a serious note, Cowpokes, people like Entropy0 confuse, frustrate and sadden me. It is plain that unlike the Steorn swindlers, or the ShooTag crooks, Mr 0 and the sellers of Special One Drop Liquid are not fully attached in this reality. His tendency to name-calling and ad hominem vilifications is a measure of his inability to fully engage with the lack of any real rationality in the claims of a product like Special One Drop Liquid. I find it hard to take his vitriol personally (like I most certainly do with the badly-educated Melissa Rogers from ShooTag).
It makes me wonder what a strange world Mr 0 inhabits, where things like turning up the corners on a curtain in a room or placing CDs overnight in the freezer have magical effects on music quality. Is he just deluded and imagining the effects? And does that actually matter if he thinks the music ‘sounds better’? Has he ever bothered to try a blind test, where, over a series of trials an impartial person randomly determines whether or not to place blue paper under a vase in his ‘listening area’? And if he did, and found that he actually couldn’t tell the difference, how would he respond?
Your task for today is to try one of the methods for ‘improving’ your music suggested on the Special One Drop Liquid site. They’re all pretty simple and cost nothing at all. If your music sounds better – or even different in any way at all – make sure you let me know.
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*OK, OK, I know I shouldn’t engage in Loon Bashing, but really, they bring it on themselves…
†And I will point out here that I am a very experienced sound engineer, and eminently qualified to assess any ‘effect’ on the music that might have been taking place.
___________________________________________________________________________
I forgot what this whole blog was about, if only there was some miracle cure to help me!
There’s only one drop of liquid that’ll improve the sound of my music, it’s called Gin (or Whisky, or even a nice red).
I like the fact that he refers to Australians as “a race”, a clever and erudite man to be sure as evinced by his singular use of grammar. My favourite being: A product who’s operating principles you’ve demonstrated to be too stupid to understand.
A product who is? And the latter half of the sentence – well it’s a train-wreck isn’t it?
Oh dear, back to the classroom to get some schooling in the basics for you my friend, or have you simply mistaken ripping off fools as a measure of your ‘success’?
As for your vitriol, you poor idiot, we have a type of armour plating known as common sense here at The Cow, you words simply dig you deeper in your own fetid hole alas. I suspect your anger is directed mainly at yourself for being ‘found out’ for being a cheat, a lier, and a charlatan to boot. Did you have a difficult childhood, all those sums at school too hard where they?
Whisky, as we know here at The Cow, does taste better when drunk behind a couch – perhaps I’ll go and investigate this further then. Seems more useful than going around my mastering studio tying knots in cables (that’s right little boy, I’m a professional mastering engineer who lives by his ears and wits alone).
Fish in a barrel Rev, reminds me of an ex library monitor we both know without the redeeming features of course! I think this one lacks ‘one drop of intelligence’ though…
I rather enjoyed sinking to his level for a few phrases there Rev, let’s hope he’s the kind of fool to return the favour – ‘a live one’ as they say.
The King
Hand in air: um, I like right angles (my mind went strangely blank when I read the rest of the sound tips).
…I tried both of these things. As I expected, there was not one whit of noticeable effect on my music.
There’s just some music that’s so terrible that no liquid could ever save it, no matter how many drops you dribble on it.
Atlas you wicked man!
The King
Maybe you cant discern a diffrence in th sound quality bcause yer hearing is impaird, Revrend.
Prhaps its time you had yer ears candled, ol boy.
Malach: There is no liquid strong enough anywhere that can help you. Even bleach.
King Willy: It hadn’t occurred to me that Special One Drop Liquid might be whisky. Of course that would make music sound better – but you’d be served better by more than one drop. Unless… hey… maybe we’ve got an opening here – homeopathic music improvement! Here – take a drop of this purified water which has had pure whisky completely diluted out of it, and everything will sound so much better…
Pil: Right-angles may cause mind-blanking as a side effect. Use with caution!
Atlas: Oh har-de-har. A little known fact about that music is that it will improve the taste of any liquid in the listening space. Especially whisky.
Joey: I’d rather have my whistle whetted, if it’s all the same to you.
Well, say what you will but I certainly lament ever purchasing that music.
Wucka wucka.
Perhaps someone needs their anal ghost candling, imagine all the black tar they’d find after the explosion.
Loving typing this in the dark on my new 13″ Macbook Pro glow in the dark (Ghost?) keyboard. In the old days I had to use a candle, and after a good meal of Nachos…well…
The King
13″ huh? Mine’s bigger than yours.
I hear and obey, Reverend. Or at least I made the attempt, in good faith.
I decided to align the slots in all the screw heads parallel the earth’s surface, as recommended. But, being of a sciency-type bent, I wanted to enact the experiment rational-wise. Is it meant horizontal? perhaps it intends the earth’s surface immediately outside my building (parallel to the road surface)? How about parallel to the surface of the earth under the foundations? Or, as I know the earth to be banana-shaped, should I re-weld the slots in the screws so that they curve? (very, very slightly)
Gah. Perhaps I should declare myself an early 19th century British mill worker.
Cissy: What are your emotions towards right angles?
Strangely tingly, with growly-fartiness. Yours?
That’s the longest reply I’ve ever seen from King Willy!
Here’s some ear candling for you reverend
http://nursemyra.wordpress.com/2007/10/16/ear-candling/
I have some questions that I think are important to ensure I get the maximum experience from this experiment:
1. “Plain piece of paper under one of four feet. Place a plain piece of paper under any ONE of the four feet of a piece of equipment….”
Now, what type of paper must we use? Linen, construction paper, printer paper, note paper, photo paper…It really is vague and I have no doubt the type of paper is going to make a huge difference.
2. “Pinning back one corner of your curtains.”
What if I do not have curtains, but have shutters. This presents a problem for me. My one son destroys curtains, so shutters it was. Now what do I do?
3. “If you have two adjacent power cords or two adjacent interconnects, unplug the power cords from their socket, tie a reef knot in them, replace the plugs back in their sockets and listen for a short time to some music.”
Isn’t that not some sort of fire hazard and breaks some sort of fire code? Both of my parents were fire fighters and fires safety instructors and I know that would NOT go down.
4. Freezing of the CD’s. If I put anything into my freezer, it is fair game for #2 to attempt to eat. So I think this is an option we will not even attempt.
The rest of it just gets way to goofy as he starts to sounds like a second hand handy man.
I need coffee.
I bet yours doesn’t last 7 hours though eh Atlas?
The King
It lasts for 8, yer majesty! ;-D
One big unibody of love.
King Willy: There’s no holding a candle to you, eh?
Atlas: Yes, but does yours glow in the dark?
Cissy Strutt: Yeah, like I said, best not to think too deeply on this stuff…
Nurse Myra: Ah yes, I remember that post.
MI: Coffee – one of my other favourite One Drop Liquids! Guaranteed to make your music sound better (especially if it’s jazz) and it’s way cheaper than the stuff on the kooky website.
King Atlas Willy: If you’re going to keep on comparing statistics, maybe you could go get a room.
Oh, I see. You’re all crabby because yours is so much older than Willy’s or mine.
It may be older, but it is still performing as reliably as the day I got it.
Yea, but now there is no need for all that plastic support.
I don’t know about yours, but mine doesn’t need support of any kind.
At least yours is bigger than Willy’s, right?
Obviously.
Reverend, let me pass on a little tidbit of advice that my mother imparted on me when I was a child. “Never enter into a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”
This, of course, would be disastrous for us acowlites, as it would leave us with very little to read.
I wouldn’t really care so much if the unarmed persons just stayed in their huts in the forest, but unfortunately they persist in wandering into town and trying to interact with those who do have wits.
It’s a bit like religion, in a way. I seriously don’t care what other people think – if they choose to believe that a kindly gentleman created the earth and all its glories on a whim, then so be it. It’s a harmless enough delusion. But the problem is that they can’t keep their delusions to themselves – they insist on trying to get everybody else to endorse their irrational musings and come join their big happy club.
The point of posts like this one is to illustrate that someone like Entropy0 is quite evidently deluded to most anyone who cares to look. And yet, major religious beliefs, equally as deluded, are entrenched so deeply in our culture that they even get special dispensations (such as tax relief – one of my biggest bugbears. In Australia, the ‘Church’ of Scientology, one of the most preposterous excuses for a theological belief system, does not contribute to the society which it exploits – outrageous. If I was to start up a Church of Rational Thought, I would not be eligible for any such concession).
There is major insanity unleashed in the human race, and most people are completely oblivious of it!
For those that didn’t think to look, a bottle of SODL (sod all?) costs £100, that’s about $165 at current exchange rates.
Well, as I said Genghis, I could afford to buy it, but it is a measure of my rationality that I spend my money more sensibly.