Sat 18 Apr 2009
Relics
Posted by anaglyph under Hokum, Insane People, Peter Popoff
[23] Comments
As it seems that Prophet Peter Popoff is letting his attention slip in regard to the matter of making me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, I thought it was time I fired off a little reminder to him, along with some appropriate aides-mémoire. He appears more than keen to send me an evidently never-ending stream of trinkets so the least I can do is reciprocate.
I think he will be impressed with the accompanying prayer aids. I know I was. Here is the ten thousand dollars I’m donating to his ministry (you’ve seen that before of course).
Here is the paper facsimile of Jesus.
And here are the genuine nails from the cross.
They make a very attractive package!
I’m off to the post box now. I’m looking forward to my imminent wealth, and I just want to say here and now that I’m not going to forget a single one of you – when Prophet Pete comes through with the goods, there’s a big party at my place and plane tickets and accomodation for all international Acowlytes.
All of you, quick smart, off to pray now – big things are just around the corner! I can feel the flowings in my water!
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*Pat. Pending
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23 Responses to “ Relics ”
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I am about to go off to bed, so I PROMISE to be a good girl and say my prayers tonight before I go to bed.
Wow, real nails from the cross. How in the hell did you get those? Oops, I should not have said hell while speaking of our lords nails should I? Dammit, I said it again! Oh shit, now I said damn. Poo Poo, I said shit, but I guess that is OK, that does not indicate a location of pure evil and brimstone but rather a biological waste, and that is natural, so it’s OK.
OK, off to pray…hubby said I should do it on my knees. Not sure what he is getting at.
Firs time fer evrything: Th shepherd is gettin fleecd by th flock!
You are blessed my child
Why, that homunculus-sized bag that those cross nails are in sure looks like it used to have pennies in it. And don’t forget me once Peter Popoff comes through and delivers all your millions. Remember, if it weren’t for me, you never would’ve received all this wonderful news in the first place. You’re welcome.
Why didn’t you send a little plastic figure of a pirate?
The King
You shoud tell Prophet Peter that, if he dont come thru for ya, th Lord migt instruckt you to change his name to Simon — fer bein insufficiently rock-like.
Cheesus was a rapper?
[img]http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2008-03/37181579.jpg[/img]
I can’t wait for my plane ticket!! I’m anxiously awaiting my chance to visit Australia, meet Jesus, tell him about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and buy a Shoo Tag for everyone in my family!
MI: Listen to hubby. He sounds like he probably knows best.
Joey: Well, I dunno about ‘fleeced’. Like I said – only two pennies so far, but stay tuned.
Malach: I know.
Atlas: Prophet Pete has got a truckload of those bags. And thanks. You never know what you’ll get for Christmas.
King Willy: What? Give my pirate away? Never!
Joey: If he doesn’t come through for me, as far as I’m concerned his name will be MUD.
Cissy: In this case, Cheesus was in a wrapper.
RebTurtle: I hope you’re praying mightily then. And I think you might have to take a trip to the mainland and bring the ShooTags with you – I’m not sure they import them here. Yet.
I think you need to buy one of my “Cristal(tm) Satan-Shoo Tags”, a very valuable and rare gem excavated from the Dead Sea, which utilizes our own patent-pending fractal-based digital ionizer, which emits a powerful (yet completely harmless, and totally Green) anti-Evil frequency and uses the bodies’ own electrical-aura field for power -you literally blast Satan to atoms every time he comes near you!
Our “Cristal(tm) Satan-Shoo Tag” comes mounted in a genuine silver-colored high-impact resin medallion, with a leatherette necklace or wrist band.
Only 3 easy payments of $24.99, plus $11.95 shipping.
oh, and wait a moment- I thought the True Cross nails were blue. At least the ones I bought last year on Ebay were.
I believe you should be aware that this “Prophet Peter Popoff” has made similar claims to me and I assume many others around the world. His motive seems to be the collection of wealth for himself as evidenced by your offerings. Sort of a, household and office products ponzi scheme. He actually requested that I mail him a Staple’s Office Products Catalogue as many items in it are difficult to come by in Nigeria. Have you mailed the envelope yet? I believe your hopes my be poorly placed with this PPP guy. Be careful. Just wanted to pass this along.
Err, thanks lahruityur, I’m sure you’re warning is well meaning but you may have missed a certain amount of what we refer to as ‘humour’ down here in Oz in the post(s). Believe me the Rev has matters well in hand…
The King
I gots a gadget dsignd to heal th worlds ailing economy. Its calld PriceTag (patent pending). I cant tell you too much about it, or th sience bhind it; but it says “$50” so .. yknow … ummm … Jus hand it ovr.
(This is a improvement on a old produckt calld TagYerIt™.)
You never know what you’ll get for Christmas.
Oh, yea, right… Like you’d ever mail ME something.
Colonel: Your Cristal™ Satan-Shoo Tag does sound mighty tempting but I worry that it ‘blasts Satan into atoms’ – what guarantee do you give that I won’t inhale Satan-atoms and thence become evil myself. Oh wait.
And, no, the nails from the true cross are not blue. pwned.
lahruityur: Yes, I see now how that might be so. It could even be that I might be giving Prophet Pete new ideas for his ponzi stationery scheme. Better ones than he has, even. Thanks for the tip.
King Willy: Er, you’re at the sherry a bit early this morning – I think lahruityur is quite sufficiently clued-in.
Joey: The Germans have something similar called GutenTag™, I hear.
Atlas: Don’t be too keen. That herring has been sitting on my desk for 3 months now, and I’m not sure what condition it’s in. Still, in the post it goes!
Oops looks like I may have overlooked a certain amount of humour myself.
Apologies, many a G&T actually and getting thrashed at Mah Jong contributed to this oversight.
The Pauper
Humor?
People are being scammed worldwide by this PPP guy and all you people want to do is joke about it. Grow up!
Lahruituyr is angry and
He thinks that we should grow up
Our lack of sympathy for folks
Just makes him want to throw up
Making fun of Prophet Pete
Gets his blood pressure to blow up
He should just calm down and enjoy
A cup of shut the fuck up.
Im in trouble, Revrend.
Im bein sued by a Ms Melissa Rogrs.
Shes claimin my latest invention is a rip-off o ShooTag™.
Mine — DogTag (patent pending) — keeps yer dog away from fleas.
Hardly th same thing, Im sayin.
King Willy: That’ll teach you to drink and deride.
lahruityur: You’re right – stationery fraud is becoming an epidemic! PPP has got to be called to Accounts!
Atlas: Easy on there cowboy – lahruityur is actually on our side. I think he may have aced my entire Cowmraderie with his subtlety.
Joey: From where I stand you’re clean as a whistle. I suggest you avoid the words ‘quantum’ and ‘energy field’ when describing your product, but otherwise I don’t see a problem. Can I suggest, perhaps, ‘Higg’s Boson’ and ‘event horizon’? They’re scientific words that no-one understands, and should serve to pull the wool just as effectively. Plus, I haven’t seen them used in the context of an insect repellent so far.
Thanks, Revrend. But I aint goin nowhere NEAR “Higg’s Boson.” Souns too much like weere gettin inta Ghost Ship territory there.
I jus got back from a lil party down in Hell, and I aint up fer any more shit like that.