Thu 12 Mar 2009
Chicken Little?
Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
[13] Comments
Spam Observations #50
It’s been a while since I’ve posted a Spam Ob – not because I no longer get spam, oh no, no no! I still get veritable dumptruck loads of the stuff every damn day. It’s just that it’s all now become a great grey wash of boring blandness – an Ocean of Dull, if you will – and not worth even the smallest amount of The Cow’s attention. Not at all like the halcyon days of Wondercum, the quaint capers of Victorian punting or the musings of the Great Spam Poets of yore.
Sigh.
However, this morning, clearly demonstrating that brevity is the soul of wit, ‘Leon Aldridge’ sent me this:
From: leonaldridge@scumsuckingspammers.com
Subject: You will never see a disappointed look on woman’s face again.
Date: 12 March 2009 9:55:30 PM
To: reverendanaglyphIf you are not a chicken, go get this magic pill right now.
Now, ask yourself this question: If a chicken were to disobey this instruction, and went to fetch the magic pill, would any women witnesses really be disappointed?
I reckon there’s a small plastic figure inside that pill.
Not a duck this time but a …
The King
If a man takes the pill, does he cross the road? And if so, why?
I would only be disappointed if the chicken did not end up on an open fire rotisserie with some rosemary and thyme stuff up its ass.
That surely would put a smile on my face.
Oh and maybe a side of roasted veggies like eggplant, carrots and onions.
Now I’m not a literary critic but I think Mr. Aldridge may qualify as a spam poet.
“If you are not a chicken, go get this magic pill right now.”
It’s kind of nice and a little reminiscent of William Carlos Williams “Red Wheelbarrow”
Sounds like fowl foreplay to me.
I’m hungry.
King Willy: Well, we’ll never know – the chicken ate it.
Cissy Strutt: If a man takes the pill, can he cross the road without holding his hat in front of himself?
MI: Yup. sounding good to me. But I’m a little worried about what was in the pill now…
Ram: Ah, yes, I see where you’re coming from – Mr Aldridge is, maybe, the leading edge of the spam Modernist movement in poetry. With a little Magic Realism thrown in for good measure. I will be sure not to discard further communications from him, in case I’m throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
Atlas: Nice. Using handcuffs and feathers, then.
MI: I might do roast chicken for dinner, actually.
Heheheheheh, hey Beavis, he said HALCYON
Roast chicken for dinner? Why, you should try it with some barbecue sauce!
Malach: Yeah, I know. I’ll try and keep the three syllable words out, and the two syllable words to a minimum, and post pictures. I understand how hard it is for you seeing a whole post of just words.
Atlas: Mighty FINE idea.!
If Malach is talking to Beavis, does that make him Butthead?
What if the man crossed the road holding the chicken in front of him?
Chicken please
Wear my hat.
I need both hands free
To carry you
Across.