Thu 5 Mar 2009
Cross My Palm with Marshmallows
Posted by anaglyph under Australiana, Hokum, Signs, Skeptical Thinking, Words
[13] Comments
Cissy Strutt, ever on the lookout with her Cow Eye (that didn’t sound quite right), sent in this flyer for our mutual hilarity.
Of course, the sentence to which your eyes were surely drawn is ‘I do tarot without all the naff crap‘. Tarot without all the naff crap, is, in this case, just a hot chocolate (as it would also be with all the naff crap). At $15, an expensive hot chocolate to be sure, but when Elle says ‘I’m good’, maybe she’s an ace on the milk steamer.
Still, I kinda empathise with Elle. When I was younger, I too considered a career as a fortune teller, but gave it away because I couldn’t see any future in it.
why did you blank out her contact number? I want to ask Naffless Elle about my future
Why bother? Have a hot chocolate and read someone else’s horoscope – it will be just as accurate… (and probably cheaper)
oH HULLO THEY’RE everywon i as payed anuvver Vist,to this webpaige wot yuo as entartled “TEVVERED coe’ ahahahahahah many tharnks’ four welcommin me to the sight mR.annagliff it wos mush appresheated ahahahhahahahahahahah,hallo from darrik hergarves no i dun no mR POLANSKY wot you wos tellin me abote but he is welcum to geT iN TUSH WIV ME to diskuss matta’s off POLLYTICK’s an werld piece,now luck hear i as juts red todaze artikle an i fonde it varry fassyneightin cos i nose an wUMMAN WOT IS an sykick an an MEEDIUM so i is intressed in sush stuph but eye as NEVVER consluted sush an purson so dot’n even fink off luckin at me like that agin ahahahah,only jowkin.well must DASH my know’s feals like its’ on phyre ahahahaha,hullo its’ mr,deker hagreave’s hear.
hullo their an bets wishies av an SONNY day philled wiv larfter an joy,yes i is 79 yer’s old now an i wented to EATON collige as an lad an i wored an dam stinkin topEHAT on top off my bleedin hed so i dot’n no who telled you no diphrent cos thay wos just an lode of LYER’s an TRAITAR’s ahahahahah,hullo four now from an FRAyle an VULNERBULL eld chep wot wos an bUTLA four moats,off,his werkin Live.bets wishies form uNKLE DERAK,
My goodness deRIK, you can’t half waffle on.
I bet she is really good at predicting if you are going to burn your tongue on hot chocolate.
I do wonder, what if you choose the wrong deck? How do you know if you chose the wrong deck? What if both offerings of decks are wrong for you? Who is the official of tarot deckdom that declares what is old school or not so old, but still kinda old school and how would you know if you were getting ripped off with that new age school stuff?
Sorry, but it really irked me that she was not more specific. It sounds like she might be a rip off. I am just taking a guess here.
Seeing this I really wished I’d stolen a flyer I saw down at my local shop a few years back…
You would have liked it Rev, the title was:
BREAST ENLARGEMENT BY HYPNOSIS
I can think of worse ‘jobs’, though perhaps breast reduction would be more fun…
Elle of a way to make a living.
The King (off for my late-night hot chocolate (free!))
I stare, hypnotized by breasts all the time. But I never see ’em get any bigger.
MI: I think the choice of deck reflects the kind of fortune you get. For instance, using the Marseilles cards tends to throw up predictions such as:
Whereas the Buckland pack yields (with the same card layout):
As you can therefore see, both readings may or may not be right for you, depending on the universe you actually inhabit. For more on how this works, I refer you to the guaranteed accurate predictions of our very own Iotas Scrivener, elsewhere on The Cow.
Whatever the case, with Elle you get a hot chocolate, and that holds true across the Multiverse.
King Willy: I once attempted bank account enlargement by hypnosis, but the reverse happened. It seemed to be working quite well for the chap who was running the courses, though.
Atlas: It is my estimation that, for you, the breasts actually get smaller as you stare at them, owing to the fact that the breast owners are retreating into the distance in disgust.
Hmmm, I’ve always wondered why The King swings coins on strings in front of me when I’m trying to watch tv.
Whose breasts do you think he might be attempting to enlarge – yours or his?
I’m afraid “naff crap†is not phrase I am familiar with. I assume it means “factual content†but I am not conversant in hipster lingo so I may be mistaken.
I have to admit that my interest is piqued however. I am always on the lookout for a way to generate easy money and do have playing cards and a fetching black cape in my store. I assume it is a simple matter of telling people that they should not give up hope and that their lives will soon stop being utterly hopeless?
Thanks for yet another brilliant lead…you will, naturally, receive a modest commission!
Ram: As always, it is a pleasure to be of some help with the plans for your Food Here empire. Should you set up some kind of ‘fortune telling’ booth at Food Here, I know that my readers would certainly be interested in photographs of you in the black cape (and yes, I think you have accurately grasped the mechanisms at work).
I am also happy to pin up a flyer (if sufficiently well-designed) for your enterprise here on The Cow noticeboard.
Smaller breasts are fine with me. I prefer them to ginormous melons anyway. Once you stray too far outta “C” country, they get scary. Or if they sag too much. You know, like your DDs do.