Wed 28 Jan 2009
You’re Nick(ed)!
Posted by anaglyph under Hmmm..., In The News, Scary, Silly
[21] Comments
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) – One of Nigeria’s biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.
The paper quoted police spokesman Tunde Mohammed as saying that while one suspect escaped, the other transformed into a goat as he was about to be apprehended.
Cow Observations:
•It sounds to me like the police should have been doing some breath-testing: themselves and the witnesses.
•This is just one more way that a thief might confound Spiderbot.
•Nigerian newspapers must be a hoot.
Transforming inta a goat is a BRILLYANT escape-strategy!
Cause if a human being coud, like, catch a goat, then them thingsd be, yknow, domestickatd by now!
Well, it does have the element of surprise going for it.
But your point is taken. Also, it doesn’t seem entirely wise to me to choose to change into an animal that might constitute a potential foodstuff.
Heck, Id take my chances at trial.
I think I coud bleat th rap.
Atlas: Or an escapegoat, in this case.
These bad puns are beginning to get my goat.
Wanna know th final irony?
Th constitutionaly-mandatd pennalty fer auto theft in Nigeria?
Witch docktr turns ya into a friggin goat!
BREAKING NEWS: Authorities have identified the suspect simply as “Billy”. Apparently, the suspect lead authorities on a chase and attempted to hide under a bridge. Police officers trolling the area stopped and made the arrest. The suspect was said to be horned and dangerous.
Joey: There’s something of the Buddhinator paradox in that…
Atlas: You’re flogging a dead goat there boyo.
You’re just cheesed off that you can’t come up with puns faster than Joey and I.
Thats “Joey and ME”, Atlas.
…
(*looks up constitutionaly-mandatd pennalty fer aggravatd pedantry*)
>>(*looks up constitutionaly-mandatd pennalty fer aggravatd pedantry*)
That would be summary transmogrification into a goat, unless I miss my guess.
Oh, great, now Joey is getting all pedantic and red in the face. Or is that purple?
Yeah, they ain’t too bright in Nigeria.
Are you from Nigeria?
Revrend: HAHAHAHAHA!
Th sentencing judge presentd Billy wif a pair o options:
“Ten years in prisn, or ten years in a petting zoo,” intond th magistrate.
“Hell,” Billy whind, “THAT aint no choice!”
Well, that would depend on what kind of a petting zoo it was…
…and I guess it also depends on context – was the judge female, and was the pair of options the sentence or something else?
I think Billy was thinkin that prisn IS a petting zoo — of exackly th kind you refrencd.
“Oooooohhhh, Billy!”
Perhaps the transformation was a protest against the nanny state.
Its a good thing Isaac dint try that maneuvr in ordr to escape bein sacrificd by Abraham.
Bcause THEN hed a-been, like, TOTALY FUCKD!