Fri 9 Dec 2011
Sponge Bob Marley?
Posted by anaglyph under Hmmm..., Spam Observations, Weird Messages
[21] Comments
This rather bizarre email arrived in my inbox this morning. It didn’t seem to be pitching anything in particular ((Unless it’s a cunningly clever advertisement for yellow sponges or Mercedes. Or Jamaican holidays.)) and had nothing but a return email address. I present it here for you in full (I have marked points of interest):
Urgent Prayer – My jamaican neighbor next door is bringing all these people with these white exotic cars trucks and especially white mercedes bens people to live with them and throwing yellow sponges on my porch and other stuff in my yard. I want and pray that The Lord will make these people with this white mercedes ben car to move away from next door with marie and michelle right now because they are really getting on my last nerves. Marie and michelle are causing so much trouble for me and trying to make me jealous of them and make other neighbors in our neighborhood jealous of them by having all of these people that they know and do not know to come to their townhouse with white cars and trucks. The Lord Blessed me with a white truck because i was involved in a hit and run accident in 12/10 and i was walking 18 blocks to catch the bus and now marie and michelle next door is so jealous of my white truck and have these people with a white mercedes ben to come and live with them causing trouble for me and trying to make me and the other neighbors in our community jealous. Marie is getting on my last nerve and I am so sick of marie and michelle and all of these other jamaicans who come over to their house next door. Please Pray with me that The Lord will make now the people with this white mercedes ben move and never come back now and nobody else never come there In Jesus Name Amen
Here is a pictorial aid to help you get a better grasp of the scenario:
Really, after all that, what can you do? I’m kneeling down to pray.
Is that jesus’s girlfriend?
oops forgot to fill in the info last time.
That heart on his chest will fit right between those excellent mammaries.
A question you might like to ask yourself: What would Jesus do?
Ja Maica me laugh wit your silly posts Rev.
Dis and dat and sumptin else all de time. Nice to know you an Marie an Michele is carvin’ it up.
Brotha King
Pass dat ganja mon.
I believe that I, even in my state of perpetual fuckin’ inebriation, could compose a better fuckin’ message than whatever the fuck this inscrutable memorandum is meant to fuckin’ convey.
Jane, I think you’re probably quite correct.
suddenly I’m craving Deadwood pancakes
It’s alway a good time for Deadwood pancakes!
I’ve tried (oh I’ve tried) but I can’t relax until I know. What can the yellow sponge throwing possibly mean?
It may have to remain one of life’s little mysteries. Unless Marie or Michelle cares to drop by the Cow at some stage.
Rain of Yellow Sponges – one of the seven plagues of Egypt, I think.
“And I shall smite them with a mighty smitement of yellow sponges, not those cheap five pack ones, but the nice thick ones in the two pack, which sometimes come in blue.” To the best of my recollection.
I think that’s right.
I believe the blue sponge reference is only in The Apocrypha.
I wish I got interesting metaphysical spam like this.
All I ever find in my box is Nigerians with banking problems and cheap Viagra.
PS The blue sponge reference is not in the Apocrypha, it’s in one of St Augustine’s little oeuvres.
I’m not sure this is ‘metaphysical’ so much as ‘stark raving mad’. But it is true that the standard of spam has fallen off somewhat since the halcyon days.