Sometimes teh stoopid in the world is so profound that I fear alien civilizations from other galaxies will first detect us not via radio transmissions or atmospheric chemistry signatures, but by the massive volume of idiot particles that we radiate out into space.

Take this latest ‘health’ warning from Samsung advising viewers of the potential hazards involved with watching 3D television.

If you experience any of the following symptoms, immediately stop watching 3D pictures and consult a medical specialist: (1) altered vision; (2) lightheadedness; (3) dizziness; (4) involuntary movements such as eye or muscle twitching; (5) confusion; (6) nausea; (7) loss of awareness; (8) convulsions; (9) cramps; and/or (10) disorientation.

I don’t know about you, but I frequently experience symptoms 2 through 7 (especially 5 & 6) while viewing normal 2D television, so on a 3D tv I’d be hard-pressed figuring out whether they were being caused by the 3D effect or the program content.

The Samsung advisory goes on to suggest that it is a bad idea to watch 3D tv ‘if you are in bad physical condition, need sleep or have been drinking alcohol’ instantly alienating about 75% of their possible customers. It also advises that you should not ‘place your television near open stairwells, cables, balconies or other objects that may cause you to injure yourself’.

So, to clarify: don’t watch 3D tv at the top of an open stairwell whilst drunk and sleep-deprived. It’s not the alcohol, the lack of sleep or the plummet to the marble foyer that need worry you – it’s that woo-eee-ooo spooky 3D vision!

You have been warned!

(Everyone probably knows someone who needs the kind of warning issued by Samsung, and therefore also needs a Simple Graphics Man coffee mug from the TCA Shoppe. Send them one today and help them avoid a horrible disfigurement!)