Sat 12 Nov 2011
3D Odorant
Posted by anaglyph under Daft Advertising, Hokum, Idiots, Silly, Stupidity, Words
[18] Comments
It works really well for anyone wearing the special nose plugs. Otherwise it just makes everyone nauseous and gives them a headache. Personally, I don’t think it’s as effective as the Quantum deodorant I use.
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Special thanks to Atlas for undergoing the human trials for this one.
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Did it ever occur to you that you should probably be wearing the special glasses to get the full effect?
That’s what the special nose plugs are supposed to do.
But then how would you know if its really working? Should I just give the nose plugs to my friends and family and not worry about how bad I smell? I think you might be on to something here…
There’s likely a fortune to made in special nose plugs.
The nose plugs don’t block the smell, they allow you to experience it in 3D. Just like those stoopid glasses at the cinema. So anyone not wearing the nose plugs will get a blurry, undefined, headache-inducing impression of the scent. And, in the manner of the glasses, anyone wearing the nose plugs will get a blurry, undefined, headache-inducing impression of the scent. Genius!
3D scents nose plugs huh? That’s total genius. Now we just need some 3D Advil for 3D the headaches.
That should do it. Is it available in Canada or do I have to get it by mail order form the Cow Shoppe?
We’re doing special product tie-ins via the Cow. Look for it on the pharmacy shelf just next to the homeopathic sleeping pills.
It’s got nothing on my tri-vector nano-crystal anosmic field intensifier. Just don’t ask me how it works, the science behind it is too cutting edge to explain.
You don’t need to explain it. Just get a lot of friends to say how great it is on Facebook. That’s exactly the same as science these days.
Does your Quantum deodorant come in Lily of the Valley?
I’m afraid it only comes in Uncanny Valley.
Funny, I went into the chemist to buy some roll-on anti-perspirant the other day, having become a bit dissatisfied with the one I usually use. One company (Nivea) had four different types on the shelf, all of which made grandious claims, and for the life of me I couldn’t find any clear description of the fucking differences between them! The language has become so ridiculous I can’t even find out which one is deodorant, which is anti-perspirant, and which is both! Seriously, terms like ‘silver protect with antibacterial silver ions’, ‘unique cool-care formula’, ‘dry impact with minerals’ and ‘Neutrabact formula’ are not helping us make a purchasing decision, you marketing bozos!
So you’re saying you stink? :->
No Atlas, I glow.
@UH: It’s all about the Illusion of Choice. If you have a choice between 3 products of the same brand you are less likely to go and try another brand. Which I bet you didn’t :)
Silver does have well documented antimicrobial properties, although I forget the exact mechanism. But, that’s in fairly large quantities when treating infected ulcers, and we’re moving away from it there. Actually Honey is great, antimicrobial, and smells great, spread honey in your oxters!
I don’t bother reading the ingredient list. I just look for words like ‘Quantum’, ‘3D’ or ‘Atomic’ on the label.