Tetherd Cow Ahead

This week is, apparently, World Homeopathy Awareness Week ((… as I discovered over at Cubiks Rube. Thanks writerJames)) so I’m performing my skeptical duty by making you aware of it (wow – even just thinking about homeopathy has made me feel better this morning!)

In the past I have been harsh on homeopathy so in honour of WHAW I’m going to allow some equal time for its proponents. It’s the least I can do. Let me present for you Dr Charlene Werner (a doctor of homeopathy, I presume), who will, using her own words, guide you through the science behind how homeopathy works:

Did you stick it out to the end, or did your laughing fit cause you to hyperventilate like I did? I had to take a whole bottle of homeopathic sedatives to calm me down.

To recap what we have learned from Dr Werner:

• The total mass of the universe is about the same as something the size of a bowling ball (ie, virtually none at all), and is not the 8 × 10⁵² kg ((Just in case you’re not good with numerical powers, the language description of that would be ‘AN AMOUNT SO FUCKING HUGE THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE IT’)) generally accepted by physicists. ((Estimation based on measured stellar density. There is, as always, dispute on the accuracy of this figure, but I think we can safely say that it’s nearer ‘A FUCKING HUGE AMOUNT’ than it is near Dr Werner’s preferred quantity of ‘none’))

• Einstein’s famous mass/energy equivalence formula is wrong and it should read E=C². Many of you will see at once that this is in conflict with the ShooTag reworking of it as E=M¾ and so Dr Werner is possibly in error here.

• Stephen Hawkings was ‘sent to Earth by God in His Infinite Wisdom to bring us String Theory.’ This is evidently a different person to Stephen Hawking, the great physicist and cosmologist, who was born naturally of human parents, and, although a proponent of String Theory, can take no credit for its genesis.

• This supernatural Stephen Hawkings dude also discovered a new kind of particle shaped like ‘little U-ies’ that ‘work by vibration’ (no I don’t know what the hell she’s on about either).

• E=MC² is an expression of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.

• Protons, electrons and neutrons, despite all scientific knowledge to the contrary, are made of energy and not matter.

• The ‘definition’ of disease is ‘Transforming your energy into something different’ and has nothing to do with a pathogenic biological process as is generally thought.

• If your neighbour’s dog craps on your lawn, the best way to deal with the matter is to bomb his house. ((Did anyone else start to wonder at this point whether this woman has some serious issues…?))

So there we have it. I hope your awareness of homeopathy is suitably heightened. During the next few days we will be celebrating further illuminating homeopathic moments.

Your health!

Every now and then out of curiosity I check the server statistics for Tetherd Cow to see who visits, from where, and what they’re interested in. Mostly it’s boring. Occasionally it’s baffling. This is one of those times. I mean, veronica, rasputin and shoo tag scam, sure no problem. Famous mirrors, yup. Old ‘adds’ – I guess.

But fanny as the number one term? Really? Just go over to the side bar search button, Acowlytes, and do a search for fanny. You get one hit – this post. And yet the number one search term bringing people to Tetherd Cow Ahead this last month, with 71 requests, is fanny. What the crap is that about?

And as for girl sucks cow singsong…

On the weekend, as our clocks were moved back one hour for Daylight Savings, my new friend Jimmie McDowell wrote to me with his exciting news:

From: Jimmie Mcdowell
Subject: Your watch will overshadow all the other timepieces.
Date: 4 April 2010 8:33:58 AM AEST
To: reverend[at]tetherdcow.com

I don’t trust Jimmie. I think he’s sneakily trying to sell me one of these:

___________________________________________________________________________

Sundial in thyme garden at Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. Photographed June 17, 2007 at 12:21 solar time (13:21 Daylight Savings Time). Licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License from Wikimedia Commons

___________________________________________________________________________

The Adventures of Pocket Jesus
Episode 4: Eggs is Eggs

*Boy, I really hope these are going to hatch into dinosaurs so I can ride ’em!

(Eggs and rabbits are virtually non-existent in the Bible. Eggs are mentioned only six times and rabbits only twice. Chocolate is not mentioned at all.)

___________________________________________________________________________

The font used in The Adventures of Pocket Jesus (aram44.ttf) features genuine Aramaic characters and is used with permission of Mr. G. S. Dykes. What Jesus is saying may or may not make sense. Just like in the Bible.

___________________________________________________________________________

Live Science is carrying a story about how the amount of food featured in paintings of The Last Supper has increased over time.

Computer-assisted calculations have enabled researchers to compare similar items in 52 depictions (made between about 1000 AD to 2000 AD) of Jesus’ fabled final meal. They show that portion sizes of main courses (usually eel, lamb and pork) shown in the paintings grew by 69 percent, while plate size grew by 66 percent and bread size grew by 23 percent.

Seems like no better time to remind everyone to enter the Fat Jesus competition over on The Amateur Scientist.

Here’s my effort:

So if you’re feeling a little guilty about sitting down to the big Easter Sunday lunch today, just console yourself by asking: What Would Jesus Do?

My friend Kirke snapped this shot out of his Bondi apartment window yesterday…