Archive for December, 2008

Satan Claws Strikes Again

Satan Claws has learned that a good strategy for this time of year is to act cute and lull passers-by into a false sense of security…

Here’s wishing all Cow Readers a Very Merry and Festive Yuletide. I hope the eggnog is a-flowing, the Lords are a-leaping and the partridges are piled high under the tree. Remember to stay tuned for January 1, for a whole heap o’ shenanigans to ring in another year of bovine fun!

OK.

Time to review ’em.

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(Also, be sure to catch The Trailer over at Old Fish and Lemonade… Really, you do want to…)

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Nurse Myra sent me a link the other day to a site that had some of the semi-ghoulish toys that I used to love as a kid.* I was surprised to see there a set of ‘Kooky Spookies’ a toy that I had all but forgotten. When I was younger† I was completely fascinated by glow-in-the-dark things, and had numerous toys that had this property, along with several kinds of luminous paints, one of which had an extremely peculiar smell that I can evoke to this day.

I was immediately prompted to see if I could locate another of my favourites, ‘Glow Globs’ – a kind of luminous plasticene that came in three ‘ghostly’ colours – and as is often the way with teh internets, I got my nostalgia fix within seconds. I herewith present to you Glow Globs, courtesy of ToyRanch’s Flickr set.

Glow Globs

So now yez al know what you can get me for Christmas.

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*I’m sure that comes as no surprise to a single one of you.

†And heck, even to this day!

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One of the great pleasures I enjoy while travelling is spying products on supermarket shelves that challenge my sense of reality. This happens mostly in non-English speaking countries, where the translations into The Mother Tongue throw up all kinds of novelty (you may recall my adventures in Vietnam), but there are also treasures to be found in countries that actually call English their main language.

The ol’ US of A is a case in point. Exhibit A, to the left here, must surely be the cause of great confusion among the sleep-deprived.

Of course, it all makes sense when you spy the word ‘homeopathic’ under the Hylands name – like all homeopathic remedies it makes a bet each way, simultaneously declaring to be completely effective while also claiming to have no unwanted effects. The product name itself is a masterpiece in doublespeak: Calms Forté: ‘strong calm’ – the implication being that it’s an extra-strength version of the usual formula ‘Calms’. Well, since we know that homeopathy works in reverse to normal logic, this must mean that Calms Forté has even less than the usual ‘active’ ingredient* of standard Calms…

And in our kitchen at work, a product which should surely be walking off the shelves (jumping, even), especially at this time of year.

Joy!

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*It can’t be chamomile. Chamomile contains substances that are actually known to promote sleep (and drowsiness) when taken in appropriate quantities and homeopathic remedies never have an ‘active’ ingredient that makes any sense.

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