So I’m watching this science show on the tv and the presenter starts talking about another thing that science has found that we shouldn’t be eating because it will, like, kill you! The chemical in question, so the pretty tv-journo-scientist tells me, is called acrylamide, and is bad, bad, bad!
“So what?” I hear you say, “I don’t hold with those kinds of food additives anyways! I’ll just avoid anything that they add it to!”
Brace yourselves Acowlytes. The news is not good. One of the most common places that these nosy scientists have found acrylamide is in fried or roasted potatoes. You know that crunchy, golden crusty coating on the potato? The best bit? That’s where you get yer mother-lode of acrylamide.
Oh noes! ROAST POTATOES! Someone has found that ROAST POTATOES are bad for you! That surely must be a Sign of the End Times!
This is what it says about acrylamide at Wikipedia:
There is evidence that exposure to large doses can cause damage to the male reproductive glands. Direct exposure to pure acrylamide by inhalation, skin absorption, or eye contact irritates the exposed mucous membranes, e.g. the nose, and can also cause sweating, urinary incontinence, nausea, myalgia, speech disorders, numbness, paresthesia, and weakened legs and hands. In addition, the acrylamide monomer is a potent neurotoxin. Ingested acrylamide is metabolised to a chemically reactive epoxide, glycidamide
Let me translate: Don’t eat roast potatoes. Don’t touch roast potatoes. And never, never, never inhale roast potatoes or cram them in your eyes or up your nose.
Look at those symptoms: Urinary incontinence! Paresthesia! Myalgia. Damage to the male reproductive glands! And it’s a neurotoxin for chrissakes! It will further come as no surprise that acrylamide is linked to cancer as well. If you are a consumer of certain brands of potato chips* that use olestra, you can for good measure add anal leakage to this catalogue of woes.
The bit about speech disorders is true for sure – even reading about all this has rendered me speechless!
Fortunately, there is a crispy golden salty light at the end of the horrible scientific chemical tunnel; other scientists (the kind who I’d much rather hang out with) at J.R. Simplot Co. of Idaho, have developed a genetically modified potato with an altered gene structure that will ‘rebuff’ acrylamide and make a safe-to-eat roast potato or French fry.
Tetherd Cow Ahead’s financial tip for this week is to put your money into J. R. Simplot Co. If there’s ever anything that’s going to turn around the negative public view of genetic modification it’s the salvation of the fried potato. It may be the only hope we have.
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*Olean is a company that manufactures Olestra. If you followed the link, you will have seen the somewhat disconcerting counter on their site that ticks out ‘The Number of Servings of Oleanâ„¢ Consumed’ (it’s currently at about 5 billion). Now reflect on that counter as a measure of the flow of anal leakage…
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