Archive for January, 2007

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Wed 24 Jan 2007

Cake And Eat It

Posted by anaglyph under Food & Drink, Kooky, Nostalgia, Whimsy
[7] Comments

Miss Havisham's Cake

This is a picture of the cake I had for my 21st birthday. No, I didn’t keep it all these years, it looked like that at the time. Everything except the candles are edible – the spiderwebs are spun sugar and the ‘mold’ is apricot jam and green food colouring.[tippy title=”¹”]And here you were all thinking that me being unhinged was a recent aberration…[/tippy] It was really quite delicious.

This year I turn 50. Sigh. Yes, it’s true. So I’m taking suggestions for a cake theme.

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¹And here you were all thinking that me being unhinged was a recent aberration…

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Wed 24 Jan 2007

Even More Disturbing Moments in Food Science

Posted by anaglyph under Food Science, Ooky, Technology
[8] Comments

Chicken Right/Wrong

I am totally indebted to TastesLikeChicken! for pointing out to me the wondrous inventions available at Global Trade Purveyor alibaba.com. There can be no doubt at all that this is where Angelo does his shopping.

Of particular interest are:

The Flattener Chicken Machine:

“Our machine has the capability to crush 24 chicken breasts per minute, and with the thickness of a ham slice. With this you’ll have an extra-flat chicken breast. It is really a money machine!!!“

Because, well, yeah, everyone knows that Flat Chicken Breasts = $$$$!!! And fast? Yessirree, this machine is a license to print chickens!!!

The Vegetarian Chicken Modeling Machine:

“Used to shape the soybean food production suck as vegerarian chicken. The vegetarian has long-tested and its performance enjoys very high reputation from our clients that this machine is easy to operate and run smoothly with low failure rate.”

First, take your Soybean Food Production Suck. Then shape a Vegerarian Chicken from it. Could anything be simpler? Or more gag-inducing?

The Vacuum Suck Machine:

“The vacuum soybean-suck system is composed of vacuum soybean-suck machine, vacuum barrel, storage barrel, bean-sucking tube and dia. 80 plastic tube 10m.”

Yep, nothing sucks like this machine. This is one mothersucking sucker. If you need your beans sucked, look no further!

Of course, the question still remains: why do people call me when the damn things break down?

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Chicken image courtesy stock.xchng

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Mon 22 Jan 2007

Contains Additives

Posted by anaglyph under Food & Drink, Science
[3] Comments

Consider this fact: In the modern world, we accumulate so much mercury in our bodies from our environment, that, according to world nutritional regulations for the amount of mercury allowable in meat for consumption, one in every ten people would be unsuitable as food for cannibals.

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Source: ‘The Elements of Murder – A History of Poison‘ by John Emsley

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Sun 21 Jan 2007

Filthy Lucre

Posted by anaglyph under Signs
[6] Comments

Money Lent

This sign in the window of a place I pass on my way to work. If they lent you some used money, you might want to take it here:

Coin Laundry

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Thanks Sarah for the Coin Laundry pic!

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Wed 17 Jan 2007

Great Moments in Food Science #17

Posted by anaglyph under Food & Drink, Food Science, Science, Technology, True Fiction
[5] Comments

☆January 16th, 1307: Food alchemist Angelo Bembo’s chicken machine breaks down.

Ancestral Angelo

 

Tue 16 Jan 2007

Angelo the Flavour Chemist?

Posted by anaglyph under Bizarre, Sound, Technology, Weird Messages
[11] Comments

Regular Cow visitors will remember some of the weird messages I’ve managed to attract to my answering machine. Today I arrived home to find another one. I can only think that the universe is trying to tell me something. I really wish I understood Universalese.

Chicken machine?

(I totally swear that these are real messages).

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Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, the reason that the nice English lady always says ‘Monday, 12am’ is that every time the power fails the answering machine clock defaults. I used to reset it but I just gave up…

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