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Fri 27 May 2005

Bloody Vikings

Posted by anaglyph under Spam Observations
Comments Off on Bloody Vikings

Spam Observations #8

My newest best friend, Lisa Crump (!) sent me an email with the subject line:

Yeah it’s a sp@m :)

Oh, that Lisa, isn’t she just the one. Little bashful smile at the end: “Yeah, I it’s a spam, but I know you love me anyway. Shucks.” Lisa, if you’re reading SPAM is SPAM is SPAM. It’s not cute. It’s annoying. When I got it, I most certainly didn’t think: “Oh, that Lisa is such a card, sending me spam and being honest about it“. No. Instead I thought: “Those fucking spammers are just a pain in the arse and I hope they all go to a special hell where the only thing they have to read is never-ending screens of their own puerile garbage”. Lisa, I hate you and your cheap software deals.

UPDATE: I received another different spam from Lisa Crump today. Man, that Lisa is working the keys. I note here for posterity that Lisa Crump can be anagrammatized to April Scum.

Sun 22 May 2005

With Air!

Posted by anaglyph under Signs
[4] Comments

OK, who gets paid to think up the daft names of car models? I was driving behind a Toyota ‘Kluger’ the other day and I started thinking “What is that? Kluger? What’s that supposed to make me think?” It has a vaguely unappealing and harsh Teutonic sound to me, sort of like a cross between ‘kludge’ and ‘Luger’. I can’t for the life of me think of what kind of connotation would be positive with that name. And then there is the puke-making Subaru ‘Impreza’ which presumably wants you to think that it’s somehow imprezzive I guess. That should really pull the chicks. Who knows what Hyundai were thinking with the ‘Getz’ (getz you from here to there, maybe), and the Suzuki ‘Baleno’ just makes me think of whales (and by logical progression, corsets, but I’ll leave you to figure that one out…). As for the Daihatsu ‘Charade’, well, honestly who the hell would want to drive around in a car with a name that implies you should be driving something more substantial.

While we’re on the subject, can anyone explain why car sales lots are always festooned with balloons, like some cheap party, or a tawdry carnival. What are they trying to say? “Hey, we’re clowns – come and buy a car from us!”

PS. Any girls who drive Suzuki Balenos and like to wear corsets please be sure to get in touch. I will overlook your poor choice in cars.

Sun 15 May 2005

I Heart Bottles

Posted by anaglyph under Signs
[8] Comments

Searching Google for “I Hate Bottles” reveals that the phrase stencilled on the churchyard wall (Tetherd Cow, April 21 2005) most likely originates from an episode of Matt Groening’s ‘Futurama’. Another mystery explained… sort of…

The dirt here: [Link]

Sun 15 May 2005

Under the Host

Posted by anaglyph under Signs
[2] Comments

Blackboard outside a pub, King St, Newtown.

Cheap sophistication, huh? Two words that sit uncomfortably together at best. Somehow it doesn’t conjure up images of Cary Grant and Jane Wyman sipping Manhattans by the light of a silvery moon.

Fri 13 May 2005